


You Look Like an Angel to Me

by Rose_gold_goddess



Series: So Take My Heart, It's All That's Left [6]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Another Story (Mystic Messenger), Another Story Spoilers (Mystic Messenger), Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, First everyone has to go through some shit though, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, MC is an OC, Minor 707 | Luciel Choi/OC, Minor Han Jumin/OC, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other relationships - Freeform, POV Original Female Character, POV V | Kim Jihyun, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Rated Explicit for Smut in Later Chapters, Regret, Self-Blame, Self-Worth Issues, Slow Burn, V | Kim Jihyun's Route, everyone gets a happy ending, like always, mentioned minor character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2019-11-06 17:12:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17943803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_gold_goddess/pseuds/Rose_gold_goddess
Summary: Despite himself he smiled at her casual reminder of their many promises and secrets, the small tit for tat that had spanned the last few days of their acquaintance.No...acquaintance wasn’t the right word. But he wasn’t certain what the right one was, all he knew was the deep kinship he felt for her, the trust and openness between them that he couldn’t quite fathom.





	1. Refuge

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, my ideas for these two have finally reached a point where things will be more consecutive and include more canon to carry on and wrap things up, so this will be a multi-chaptered fic instead of continuing with one shots to cover individual moments. The previous works in this series are set up for this one, essentially. This one will cover from where the last left off all the way through the After Endings, so spoilers ahead.
> 
> At the moment this is still "T" in rating, essentially, but I went ahead and marked it Explicit because I know in later chapters it will be. I'll mark when those chapters begin in the notes.
> 
> And last time sharing the face claim, but again the MC is named and described instead of being written for the default MC.
> 
> Chloe:
> 
>  

It took even longer for his eyes to adjust to the light even though it was dimmed, hurting him more than it usually did. His head ached, and he blinked rapidly against what turned out to be crackling firelight nearby.

After a moment he realized there was more flame than he expected and he nearly panicked - but he blinked once more and saw that it was merely firelight reflected on strands of reddish gold.

Chloe was on the floor beside the sofa, her cheek resting on the blanket covering he and the cushions, her red hair spread out beneath her head and framing her narrow shoulders. He was surprised to find himself closer to her than he had been before, and he let his blurry gaze wander over her as she slept. He could finally make out the presence of freckles on her face, scattered across her cheeks and nose and even above the delicate bow of her rosy lips. A dark fringe of lashes rested on each high cheekbone, and he thought a quick prayer that they stay that way so that he could lay here to enjoy her nearness just a few moments longer.

He didn’t deserve it, and he knew he was being selfish to hope for it. But the sight of her so near, safe and resting filled him with a blossoming warmth that was almost entirely unfamiliar to him. When he shifted slightly he realized her hand was in his, a thin layer of sweat binding them together. The way his fingers flinched caused hers to tighten, as if worried they would slip away.

A soft sigh left her, and slowly the spell of his prayers broke as her eyelashes began to flutter. As soon as they opened she glanced up at him, raising her head as she frowned. Ocean blue eyes quickly searched his face, concern etched on each delicate feature of her face. All he could think was that the look of worry now marring the contentment of only a moment ago was his fault.

All of this was his fault.

“How are you feeling?” she asked softly, and the feeling of her fingers brushing hair off his forehead renewed the aching in his heart. How she could still look at him like this, feeling his skin and gently combing her fingers through his hair he wasn’t certain.

She should hate him.

He knew it was selfishness to want to see her continue to look at him like this, to worry about him, lacking the anger and hatred he thought should be behind her soft gaze. Yet she ran a cool cloth over his face and tucked the blanket around his shoulder before she sat back on her heels - and winced.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Fine,” she told him, too quickly. She shifted and curled her legs to the side again, the full skirt of the almost comical evening dress fanned out around her. “Did the rest help?”

“A little,” he answered, but his head ached when he shook it and he closed his eyes against the wave of pain.

“All that we can do is give it time, I think,” she murmured. A gentle pressure between his brows made him peek his eyes open, and he saw her leaning close, rubbing at his forehead with her thumb. “Can I get you anything? There’s water here if you need it -”

“Wait, is he awake? I need to see him,” an unfamiliar, deep voice cut in.

“Who’s - who’s here?” V asked, straining his neck to see.

“Um, someone Seven works with, I think,” Chloe told him, glancing up at the figure that suddenly appeared beside the sofa.

A man with long golden brown hair framing his face leaned over V, the smell of cigarettes and leather filling his nostrils once he was close. The man pressed a finger to V’s eyelids, pulling them up one after the other so that he could peer into his eyes.

“Be careful,” Chloe chided from beside him.

“I told you, I’m not a nurse -”

“But you could be a bit more delicate, he’s in pain.”

“I’m doing what I can, this isn’t my field of expertise.”

“Neither is cleaning, I suppose.”

“Hey!”

V frowned as he watched the small smirk that came to Chloe’s face at the man’s indignation, but it disappeared quickly as she refocused on wringing out the cloth she held.

“Shouldn’t he have some water?” she asked the man, and he glared at her over his shoulder.

“Would you let me work?” he snapped.

She raised an eyebrow at him, a firm look coming into her eyes, and to V’s surprise the man seemed abashed, deflating slightly under her withering stare. V tried to chuckle but the sound left him as a wheeze and turned quickly into a cough.

“Here, give me the water,” the man said, holding out a hand to Chloe. She passed him a bottle of water, which was soon placed against V’s lips without further ado. “Drink.”

“Are you trying to drown him?” Chloe asked, and she reached over to snatch the water bottle from the man.

“Fine, then you do it!”

“I was trying to!”

“No one appreciates me,” the man grumbled to himself, and he straightened to take a few steps away from the sofa.

Chloe shifted and braced an arm around V’s shoulders, propping him up so that he could drink more easily. As she helped him slowly drink from the bottle of water, she glanced to the side at where the strange man pouted.

“Thank you for helping him, Madam,” she said, a hint of laughter in her breathy voice.

The man scowled and threw his hands up, turning on his heel to stalk out of the room.

“I feel like...I missed something,” V muttered when he had finished drinking some water. He glanced up from where his head rested against Chloe’s shoulder, surprised once more to find her so close. There was a barely discernible fragrance like strawberries and flowers that clung to her, just a hint that remained after everything they had been through since the previous evening. It was like a part of her true self shining through, unable to disappear even in the midst of all this chaos.

“Better? Or do you need some more?” she asked softly, offering the water again.

“I’m - I’m okay at the moment, thank you,” he assured her.

She gave him a sweet smile and gently removed her arm from around him, helping to situate him on the pillows and tuck the blanket around his shoulders. “I’ll see what’s in the kitchen, maybe we have some tea or soup,” she murmured, almost to herself. “I can’t imagine your stomach is handling all these drugs and meds well…”

“Meds?”

“Vanderwood gave you something,” she told him. She hesitated for a moment, her hand lingering where the blanket rested on his shoulder, but she squeezed it gently and then pushed herself to her feet. “I’ll be just right over here, call if you need me.”

A frown came to V’s face as he watched her walk away, noticing the slight limp as she crossed to the kitchen. He didn’t seem to be the only one who noticed, as the strange man named Vanderwood followed her.

“Why don’t you let me look at that ankle?” he asked her, folding his arms as he leaned against the doorjamb.

“I thought you weren’t a nurse,” Chloe mused. She stood on her tiptoes, opening cabinets to search the contents.

“Still, if you’re injured maybe I can help. I have a first aid kit -”

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “Thank you, Madam, but V needs you more than I do.”

“Will you let me actually tend him?” Vanderwood challenged.

“If you work on that bedside manner of yours,” she teased. “Really, I’m fine. Just twisted it, running in heels and all that.”

“Don’t you have any other clothes?”

But to this Chloe simply shrugged, her attention absorbed in the items she had pulled from one of the cabinets. Vanderwood grumbled to himself and crossed back to where V rested, bending over once more to do a quick check before he walked off without a word. V followed him with his gaze, trying to determine where he went, and he saw him standing in yet another doorway.

“What’s with the princess?” Vanderwood griped, gesturing over his shoulder with a thumb.

“We rescued her from the tower,” Luciel’s voice carried from the other room.

“...was there really a tower?” Vanderwood asked, clearly unable to tell from Luciel’s lighthearted tone.

“There was even a dragon!” came the reply.

“Why is everything with the RFA so complicated? I thought this was a charity organization…”

V smiled to himself, resisting the urge to chuckle as he doubted he could do so without dissolving into a coughing fit again. But the idea of Chloe as a princess trapped in a tower was too amusing, especially when he looked over to where she was working determinedly in the kitchen. The dress suited her even if it was out of place for the situation, lending a softness to the sharp look of concentration on her face.

“Vanderwood, can you come help me?” she called.

“I’m not your servant, princess.”

“Do I need to bat my eyelashes and say please? Or should I get the taser?” Chloe offered, turning to face him with her hands on her hips.

As the leather-clad man stomped across the main room, V could have sworn he heard him mutter, “maybe we should recruit her…” to himself.

Despite her tiny frame and angelic face, there was a fierce competence in the way she gave Vanderwood instructions in the kitchen, in the way she moved around quickly preparing something. Soon the aroma of something like beef broth and green tea filled the cabin, mingling with the scent of the fire burning in the hearth. It made the place seem homey, a comfortable retreat instead of their refuge from danger.

When she was done bossing Vanderwood around, he carried a tray out of the kitchen and stopped beside the end table next to the sofa. He placed a bowl and a mug on the table before he carried the tray into the room Luciel was working. Chloe had apparently prepared something for all of them, but when she approached and knelt before him he noticed she wasn’t holding anything for herself.

“Here, I’ll help you sit up if you want to try to eat something,” she told him, smiling sweetly as she held a hand out.

“You should eat,” he murmured, shaking his head.

“I will after I get you to bed,” she assured him. “Please, at least try to sip a little at the broth. You need your strength to get the drugs out of your system.”

V sighed, resigning himself to her care as she helped pull him into a sitting position. He indulged his selfishness, though he knew it was weak of him to let himself enjoy her attention. She fluffed a pillow to place behind him, keeping the blankets tucked around his legs. Once he was settled she picked up the bowl of broth, blowing on it for a few moments before she held it out to him.

“Try a little,” she cooed.

“Th-thank you,” he told her, and as he reached to take the bowl his fingers closed over where hers rested on its sides. The bowl lurched slightly, almost spilling as he murmured apologies and tried to take it from her without touching her.

She frowned but merely helped him secure his grip on the bowl before she folded her hands in her lap. “Is it too hot?”

“No, it’s - it’s perfect,” he replied, staring down at the curls of steam rising from the brown liquid. “You’ve done so much…I’m not sure I would have made it without you.”

“I couldn’t have made it out of there without you,” she asserted with a shrug. “I’d call us even, so far. Just like with everything else.”

Despite himself he smiled at her casual reminder of their many promises and secrets, the small tit for tat that had spanned the last few days of their acquaintance.

No...acquaintance wasn’t the right word. But he wasn’t certain what the right one was, all he knew was the deep kinship he felt for her, the trust and openness between them that he couldn’t quite fathom.

To distract himself from the unfamiliar and too-soothing warmth he felt he slowly sipped at the broth, the rich flavor quenching his thirst better than the water had. Soon he had finished half of the bowl, but with his stomach finally full of something warm he began to feel tired once more. He set the bowl aside on the end table again, determined to lie down, but Chloe pushed herself to her feet.

“Here, let’s get you tucked into the bed,” she said, holding out her hand. “It’ll be more comfortable -”

“The bed?” he asked, frowning up at her.

“Yes, we just had you here because it was as far as we could get you,” she explained. “Do you think you can walk?”

“I don’t need the bed, you should sleep there -”

“Please - please stop worrying about me,” she insisted. “I’ll be fine, there’s another small bedroom, or the sofa is fine for me. Let me get you to bed, come on.”

“Chloe…” he protested weakly, a cough following the words.

“V - don’t make me get Vanderwood to help me,” she warned him. “I will. You need to get to bed, you still have a lot of detoxing to do.”

Again the glint of determination came into her eyes, though it was softer than when she had called for Vanderwood before. She offered a hand to him with more insistence, and he accepted, letting her help him to his feet. It was easier than arguing with her anymore, and he knew too that he needed to recover his strength if he was to clean up this mess, this disaster that he had caused.

Chloe wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling his arm around her shoulders with her other, fingers holding his tightly. He had to bend to rely on her to help him walk, though he wasn’t certain he could have stood straight even if he wanted. Gritting his teeth he did his best not to lean on her too much, not wanting to hurt her ankle more or make her carry him. When a groan of pain slipped past his clenched teeth, Chloe sighed and tightened her arm around him.

“Would you stop being so stubborn?” she scolded. “Lean on me, it’ll go faster.”

“Your ankle -”

“I’m fine.”

“I can manage,” but as he said it he stumbled a little.

“No, you can’t,” she told him firmly as she caught him. “Lean on me, V. Please.”

He did as she insisted, letting her prop him up so that she could lead him to a dark room off the main one. She guided him to a large bed in the center of one wall, and released him to pull back the covers quickly. After smoothing the sheets with her hand she reached to help him out of the jacket he wore.

“You’ll be more comfortable...um...I’ll turn my back, if you don’t need my help,” she murmured, gesturing at his belt and pants. At the small nod he gave her she turned her back, pulling her long hair over her shoulder, before she began to twist its shining length idly. “I wish I had a tie…”

He smiled to himself before he remembered why she had turned her back, and hurried to undo his trousers. When he sank onto the edge of the bed the mattress creaked, and Chloe glanced furtively over her shoulder. She turned and helped tuck him into the middle of the bed, making certain the pillows were fluffed and he was fully covered.

“Thank you,” he murmured, letting out a soft sigh before he shivered.

“Are you all right?” she asked as she leaned over him, concern reflecting at him in the furrow of her graceful brows.

“The sheets are cold,” he told her.

“They’ll warm up in a moment.” She tugged at the blankets under his chin a bit, lingering by the side of the bed as if she didn’t want to leave. “Do you - do you need anything?”

“No, I’m - I’m fine,” V assured her, not letting himself voice the selfish desire he longed to. Yet when she gave him a soft smile and turned to leave, his voice left his lips before he could stop it. “Wait.”

“Yes?” She turned back around, looking slightly surprised - or was it relief he'd briefly glimpsed?

His mouth felt dry again, and he was weak, a coward who didn’t deserve to ask this of her, but still his tongue gave voice to thoughts he hadn’t meant for it to. “Will you stay with me? Until - until I fall asleep?”

“Of course,” she answered immediately, and she returned to the bedside with a smile. Sinking onto the edge of the bed, she reached a hand to rest on his chest, holding it out in invitation.

He hoped she wouldn’t see the way his hand shook as he reached for hers, or that she would merely squeeze his and then release it, that she might deem him unworthy of her comfort. But she took his hand and scooted closer, cupping his palm with hers. In the meager light of the room he could make out a faint shape on her wrist, and he brushed it with his thumb.

“Are you injured?” he asked, frowning as he tried to make out the blurry and indistinct outline.

“Hm?” she hummed, glancing down at her wrist. “Oh, no. It’s dark in here, and your eyes - um. No, I’m not injured, it’s a - it’s a tattoo.”

“Oh,” he murmured. “What is it?”

“A daisy,” she told him. He could hear the smile in her tone, the warmth that always lingered in the softly raspy voice he had gotten to know so well over the phone. “I got it a few months ago, after I turned eighteen.”

“May I ask - why a daisy?” V hesitantly ran his thumb over what he could make out of the design, reverently wishing he could see better in order to memorize the sight of it. “Besides the fact it’s your favorite flower.”

“I - what?”

The admission had left without his permission, but he chuckled and looked up at her, smiling sheepishly at the look of surprise he could make out on her face. “I - I saw you that night in the garden, with that boy. I was trying to figure out if you were - you.”

“Oh,” she said, and then a soft slew of giggles filled the room. He hadn’t heard her laugh like that since that night in the garden, when he had called her, and he smiled at the sound. “I thought maybe - somehow you just knew me that well. Um…” She trailed off, staring down at where they held hands as she considered something.

“Yes, they’re my favorite,” she finally continued. “They - they grew around the house I grew up in. My grandmother always picked some and had vases of them around the house. Every time I see them they remind me of her, so I wanted to be able to see one every day.”

“Did your grandmother raise you?”

“Yes,” she answered with a small grin. “Good old Margaret. She is - was - a wonderful woman.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” V whispered, turning his fingers in hers so that he could interlace them. “When did she…?”

“About...four months ago now?” She cleared her throat and ran soft circles on his palm with her thumb. “You’re supposed to be trying to rest, though.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He let out a sigh, coughing slightly as the pain in his chest returned.

“I should get you some water -”

“No, please,” he interrupted, tightening his fingers on hers when she tried to pull away. “Please - stay. Stay with me.”

“As long as you need me,” she assured him, resuming her seat on the edge of the bed. She cradled where he held her hand with both of hers as she smiled softly at him. “I won’t go anywhere, I promise.”


	2. Tipping the Scales

This time when he woke up, it actually felt as if the rest had done him some good. The aches and rigidity in his body were lessened, the pain behind his eyes slightly easier to bear. Perhaps the combination of whatever meds Vanderwood kept giving him and sleeping had helped, and he felt some hope that he had detoxed more of the drugs out of his system.

V took a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darkness in the room, glancing to the side when he noticed the outline of something - no, _someone_ \- on top of the covers beside him. Chloe was curled up into a ball on one side of the bed, a blanket carefully draped over her. She was breathing deeply in slumber, one hand resting on the pillow near him as if she had been holding his hand again. When he leaned closer to inspect her he felt guilt at the sight of dark circles under her eyes, her thick red hair a tangled mess on the pillow behind her.

He didn’t know how many hours he had been asleep this time, and he wondered if she had eaten or taken care of herself at all. From what he could tell, she must not have left his side as he rested, which worried him.

Slowly he eased himself out from the bed, careful not to wake her. To his relief she barely stirred, and he managed to pull his trousers and jacket on, moving slowly and carefully in his weakened state. He studied her once more, glad to see her resting, and made his way out into the main room of the cabin.

When Vanderwood saw him shuffling out he crossed to meet him, blocking his path to the front door.

“Time for another checkup, and you’re due for more of the antidote,” the man greeted him gruffly.

“I wanted some fresh air first,” V murmured.

“I’ll be quick.”

Vanderwood didn’t give him another chance to protest, pulling off one black leather glove to feel his forehead and pulse. After checking his eyes once more, he gave a brief order to wait and went to find another dose of antidote.

“Did Chloe eat?” V asked as he accepted what Vanderwood held out to him.

“Barely,” the man grumbled. “Passed out on the bed watching over you, so I at least made sure she had a blanket.”

“Thank you for doing so,” V told him. But he didn’t know what else to say, and didn’t know what to make of the skeptical look the man gave him, or the way his eyes darted to the bedroom behind him. Vanderwood merely shrugged and walked off, and V made his way to the side room in which Luciel could be heard typing away.

“You’re up,” Luciel said, barely glancing at V as he continued the rapid movement of his fingers across the keyboard. “Argh! I feel like my fingers are going to fall off.”

“That hacker…”

“Still fighting.” Luciel sighed, dragging a hand down his face before he mussed the front of his bright, shaggy hair. “Trying to figure out that new messenger. He’s good though…”

V nodded, lingering hesitantly before he merely murmured, “keep up the good work,” and left the room. The events of the last twelve hours weighed heavily on his mind. The tension between he and Luciel and lack of contact with the rest of the RFA made him feel as if he was walking - well, blind.

He finally made his way to the front door, seeking the fresh air of the mountains in the hopes it could help him sort out the many thoughts and emotions crashing over him. Time to try to sort through this all, and try to come up with a solution. Although he felt it was hopeless to wish for another way to resolve this, expecting the end he was almost positive was unavoidable now.

There was resignation behind that thought, but regret tinged it as well, and he wondered what had changed. Only a few days ago - a few hours ago, really - he had been willing to sacrifice himself for everyone. It was what was needed, the only way to fix this all. He had known it needed to be done, only now…

Now he wasn’t quite so certain.

Taking deep breaths of the crisp mountain air, he closed his eyes and let the scent of pine and petrichor fill his senses. For several moments he merely inhaled, focusing on the way his lungs felt, the way his body continued to function.

Would it have all ended if he had passed out of existence, if he had succumbed to whatever drug had been force fed down his throat?

With a sigh he opened his eyes and stepped off the porch, determined to stretch his legs. He needed to build his strength so that he could finish this - so that Chloe could be safe, and stop worrying about him.

He wasn’t certain how long he made small circles around the cabin, keeping it in sight as he walked through the trees. His mind wandered over everything, thinking through much of his life moment by moment, as if he could dissect and pinpoint when it had led him here.

When he tired, he returned to the front of the cabin, but stood staring at the door. Something kept him from going in, and he realized he was a coward, still. Unwilling to see Luciel working hard while avoiding his gaze, or the curious glare of the stranger Vanderwood, or the soft-hearted concern in seas of blue that never strayed far from his face.

Looking behind him he saw Luciel’s car, and he headed for the driver’s side to rest for a while. Just a few more minutes in the quiet, before he had to go inside to face his guilt. He had hardly settled into the seat and leaned his head back when his phone began ringing in his hand.

**Chloe**

For a moment he lamented the fact that it wasn’t accompanied by a photo of her smiling face, and thought how much he’d like to remedy that. But he answered a second later, finding himself longing to hear her voice more than he felt he should.

“V! Where are you?” She sounded slightly hoarse, panic clearly evident. “I woke up and you were gone -”

“I wasn’t trying to worry you,” he interrupted. The pang of guilt he already felt only sharpened around the edges, and he closed his eyes. “I’m in Luciel’s car, I was taking a walk in the moonlight to clear my head.”

“I was so worried,” she breathed, letting out a sigh of relief. “Are you - are you all right? Need some company?”

“No, I’ll - I’ll be in shortly, I just - needed some time,” he assured her.

“Don’t stay out there too long or I’ll come get you.” Sweet laughter followed, though he knew it was merely concern for him that lent such seriousness to her threat.

“I promise, just a few moments more,” he said. “Are you - did you rest well?”

“Mmm, I did,” she hummed. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but you were - you seemed distressed in your sleep, so I was soothing you.”

“And how did you soothe me?”

“I - I sang to you,” she murmured, almost as if embarrassed.

“Do you sing often?” he asked, and immediately tried to imagine what her voice might sound like.

“Um, not much, not in a while. But I used to, I - I enjoy it, I want to - well. Maybe after this.”

“Next time I hope to be awake to hear you singing,” he told her, and then immediately sighed. The hope in his chest felt foreign, and more than he deserved. “Do you play any instruments?”

“The guitar, and some piano,” she told him. “I took lessons until - until my grandmother started to get ill. I had to stop, then.”

“You are so much more courageous than I am. You’ll get back into it, I feel certain. Do you write songs as well?”

“Um, I do,” she confessed, her voice dropping slightly as she doubted herself once more. “V, when are you coming back in?”

“I’m sorry, I’m making you uncomfortable,” he murmured.

“No, no - I was just making something to eat and wanted to see if you wanted any,” she hurried to assure him.

“Oh. I’ll be in soon, thank you. I’m just...thinking through things.”

“Of course. After earlier, in the chatroom, I’m - um. I understand,” she said, but her voice wavered slightly.

It pained him, thinking that witnessing the exchange between he and Rika had wounded her. He didn’t want her involved at all, wanted to keep her out of it completely, but Rika seemed determined to drag others into this. Rika’s suspicions that he was changing for Chloe and the way she had lashed out had to have been particularly distressing for the younger woman. He wasn’t quite certain how it had made him feel, though he knew he wanted desperately to protect Chloe, above all else.

Changing...yes, he was. He couldn’t tell if it was the side effects of the drugs or seeing more clearly what Rika had become because of him. But he knew, he could tell - what he had realized about his feelings and their past was the truth.

“Are you all right?” he finally asked her. “This can’t be easy for you.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m more worried about you.”

“After all of this...you’re so innocent, I - I almost envy you. Staying so pure and light in the midst of this chaos,” he murmured. “You’re so brave. I’ve always been a coward, even when I tried to love…”

“You’re not a coward, V,” Chloe told him. “A coward wouldn’t have braved breaking into that place to try to rescue me -”

“No, that was more cowardice,” he cut in. “I tried to take everything on on my own, tried to hide everything. A braver man would have handled it differently.”

“I disagree.” She sighed. “I wish you could see yourself as I see you.”

“Chloe, you’re too kind to me,” he breathed, shaking his head and closing his eyes. A question he had wondered came to mind, one he kept musing every time he looked at her, every time she reassured him. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything, you know that.”

“Have you ever been in love, Chloe?”

A moment passed and he wondered if he had made her nervous, but she let out a soft noise somewhere between a sigh and a huff of laughter. “Um, not before, no.”

The phrasing gave him pause, but he pushed aside the warm hope that wanted to guide his next words, the thoughts that kept weaving their way into his fever dreams. “I’m beginning to think I haven’t been before either. I thought - but no. I was wrong. I don’t think I deserve to love anyone, not the way I am, what I’ve done.”

“That’s not true, V. You deserve love,” she whispered. She hesitated, and then sighed. “Why don’t you come inside? I’ve made some tea and something to eat. We can keep talking, but you should come in.”

“You’re right,” he acquiesced. “I’ll hang up now and head inside. Thank you.”

“See you soon.”

He hung up, resisting the urge to keep her on the phone. It was easier to say these things to her without seeing the hint of forced bravado on her face, the way she seemed to think she needed to stay strong for all of them. For him.

After one last sigh he opened the door and got out of the car, slowly making his way into the cabin once more. Luciel and Vanderwood barely glanced up at him, and he turned away from the painful sight of Luciel working so hard. He followed the soft clatter of things being set down and the aroma of broth to find Chloe getting bowls ready, a pot heating on the stove.

She glanced over her shoulder at his approach, a bright smile warming her face. “Just in time,” she told him. Picking up the ladle that rested in the pot, she served some of its contents into the four bowls waiting on the counter. “Take a seat, I’ll bring it to you.”

V wanted to protest, but he could feel his strength waning after his walk and gratefully sank into one of the chairs. He fidgeted slightly with the wood grain on the kitchen table, tracing its lines to keep his focus off the energetic way she was preparing food for all of them. Again.

At this rate he felt he owed her far more, the scales of their relationship tipped in her favor after having been even for the last few days. Yet she continued on, as if she didn’t mind at all - and as if she wasn’t going to hold his debt against him. The ease with which she helped him almost made him as uncomfortable as the growing indebtedness he felt.

“Here,” she told him cheerfully as she placed a bowl in front of him. She handed him a spoon as well and he finally raised his gaze, noticing the way her eyes roved over his face. “I’ll be right back, going to give those two anti-social secret agents their dinner.”

She took a small tray bearing bowls and glasses of water and left the kitchen, and he felt slightly relieved to see her limp was almost gone entirely. When she returned a few moments later he was blowing on some of the broth before he slurped it up, and she giggled slightly as she took her seat across from him.

“It’s good to see you up,” she told him. “How are you besides - a little gloomy?”

“Hm?”

“Seven said that it could make you depressed, right?” she reminded him. Idly she trailed her spoon through the soup in her bowl, thinking before she raised her gaze to his once more. “I’m sure it was just a side effect. I’d - I’d appreciate it if you took me with you when you want to walk around. You’re not at full strength, I’d hate for you to fall or something.”

“I’ll be fine, really.” He shook his head, but when he looked up he noticed the same determination he’d become familiar with in her eyes. “Chloe -”

“We need you better,” she insisted. “I - I need you better. We still have so much to figure out. Together. And the party, if it's still going to happen -”

“Jumin will make certain it does, I'm sure,” V assured her.

“Well in that case we definitely need you better. You're the head of the RFA, right?” She held his gaze, tilting her head slightly as she considered him. “Please...let me help you get better.”

Ashamed by the earnest way she pleaded with him, he stared down at his soup and nodded. “I will. I'm sorry if I've been a difficult patient.”

“Just a stubborn one,” she teased, and when he glanced up she gave him a bright smile. “I'm glad you're well enough to be up and about. Hopefully it means my nursing has helped.”

“I helped too,” a deep voice chimed in, and V looked over his shoulder to see Vanderwood stomping into the kitchen.

“Need something?” Chloe asked, smiling just as sweetly at the other man.

Vanderwood took notice of the smile and immediately looked away, clearing his throat. “Just bringing in my dirty dishes.”

Chloe nodded and went back to eating her soup, fidgeting with her phone as she did. Vanderwood lingered, refilling his glass of water and starting the kettle for tea. Yet if there was anything he wanted to say, he didn't. Instead he occasionally glanced at where they sat, taking his time at the kitchen counter.

Chloe remained on her phone, and a soft, melodious ringtone made her perk up. V recognized it as the messenger app. He didn’t bother getting his own phone out, not wishing to see what was being said in that strange chatroom the hacker had forced them all in to. After what had happened earlier with Rika, he needed more time to sort out his thoughts before he tried again.

More time to determine if he could really change, or if he deserved to.

At that thought he glanced across the table at Chloe, thinking of how many times she had reassured him that he could, that he could be better. There was a soft frown on her face, eyes fixed on her screen, her spoon hovering forgotten over her soup. Before he could ask if something was the matter, she typed rapidly across the screen as she pushed herself away from the table.

“Seven!” she called, hurrying out of the kitchen.

V set his spoon down as well and turned in his chair, watching her flight across the cabin.

“The pattern’s changed - what in the -” Luciel’s voice came. “It’s completely different! Is it a new hacker? What just happened? Who was that?”

“I think something’s wrong - Ray sounded like something was really, really wrong,” Chloe replied.

The hint of fear in her voice compelled V to rise from his chair and hurry into the main room. Chloe was standing near the doorway to the room Luciel worked in, the sound of his continued questions and rapid-fire typing echoing from within.

“Shit!” Luciel cried.

“Wait, I - um,” Chloe stared at her phone, which was ringing in her hand. She took one deep breath, and then answered. “Hello?”

For a moment she simply listened, but her shoulders pushed back and she pressed her lips together as she stood straighter.

“You’re going to have to do more than that to make me scared,” she gritted out after a moment. “Where is Ray?”

V looked around, noticing Luciel frequently glancing up from his typing to look at her, clearly wanting to ask something. Vanderwood had left the kitchen as well, arms folded as he frowned and watched Chloe.

“You’re dangerous.” Chloe’s voice remained firm even as she clenched the fist hanging by her side, her teeth worrying her bottom lip incessantly.

Whatever was said next made her eyes widen, and her creamy skin turned ashen as a visible shudder passed through her. She pulled her phone from her ear and threw it away from her to bounce on the sofa before raising shaking hands to cover her mouth.

“Chloe? Hey, was that - was that Unknown?” Luciel called. “Shit, he’s attacking again. Argh! This pattern - what is going on?!”

“Chloe?” V asked hesitantly, curious at the way she was still standing so still, as if frozen in place by fear.

Vanderwood shifted beside him, glaring around the room, looking between V and Chloe with his hands on his hips.

“Chloe?” V tried again.

“Princess, what’s wrong?” Vanderwood asked, a slightly lower tone in his gruff voice.

“I - he - he was just making threats, that’s all,” Chloe whispered. She turned to face V and Vanderwood, but her eyes were wide, her lips quivering when she lowered her hands finally. “Said he wanted - _me_. I’m - I’ll be fine. Fine, really…”

But the shaking in her voice contradicted the words, the mask of bravery she had kept on her face since Magenta slipping. Whatever had been said to her had shaken her more than anything else that had happened, and all V could think was that even this was because of him. Any threats to her were because of choices he had made, the entire situation something she was involved in so that he could be punished.

She didn’t deserve any of this.

The look of appeal in her eyes tore straight through him, and he fought his instinct to close the distance between them to take her into his arms. She was shaking like a leaf, still white as a ghost, and he wanted to do anything it took to remove the look of terror from her wide blue eyes.

Anything to end this and protect her.

“Are neither of you going to comfort this poor girl?” Vanderwood snapped into the silence, scowling between V and the glimpse of Luciel through the door. After only a moment more spent shooting venom with his eyes, he crossed to where Chloe stood. The creak of leather accompanied his arms wrapping around her shoulders, one gloved hand patting her firmly on the back in a way that made even V’s teeth rattle.

A startled, strangled sort of gasp escaped Chloe, something possibly like a badly disguised snort of laughter. A muffled string of words was lost against the broad leather spanning Vanderwood’s torso, and after a moment he finally released her. He stepped back and stood indecisively before he patted her on the arm, glared around the room, and then declared that he needed a smoke.

The front door slammed after him, leaving only the crackling of the fire and Luciel’s frantic typing to fill the silence. Chloe sniffed and wiped absently at the bow of her lips, taking a deep breath as she looked anywhere but at V. He tried to think of something to say, even a question to ask, but instead he found he was at war with himself.

The urge to comfort her was now replaced with an ugly twist of jealousy and frustration that he couldn’t be the one to offer her any. He wasn’t worthy, he knew that - but the sight of someone else providing it in his stead had awoken feelings in him he wanted desperately to ignore.

“Well, I’m - I’m going to make some tea,” Chloe murmured, her voice cracking slightly. “You should rest. I’ll bring some to you.”

“No, thank you, I’m -”

“I’ll bring it anyway,” she interrupted his denial. The small smile she offered him only twisted the knife further, especially when he realized just how genuine it was.

V sighed and nodded, taking a seat on the sofa before the fire. He let his already blurry gaze rest unfocused on his surroundings, mind racing and dissecting everything. His head was throbbing, and he wasn’t certain he could blame detoxing from the drugs for his pain.

In the kitchen Chloe bustled about readying tea for them, seeming determined to bury herself in the task. He wondered a bit if she was angry with him, or annoyed, or that perhaps she was finally seeing him for who he truly was. When his phone buzzed twice he sighed, glancing at the kitchen to see if it was her, hoping perhaps she would say something even if it was just through the phone or messenger.

Instead the name _Luciel_ greeted him, and he glanced at where he continued to work seemingly uninterrupted. With a small frown V opened the messages, surprised when he saw it was simply two photos without any comment. Holding his phone closer to his face he studied first one and then the other. The first was from the car ride, which he had seen in the messenger, of Chloe bent over where his head rested in her lap.

The second, though, he hadn’t seen, and he studied it as closely as his bad eyes would allow. In it he was asleep on the sofa, tucked into blankets as the firelight played on his face. Chloe was seated on the floor before him holding one of his hands and brushing his hair off his forehead with her other. Even he could tell there was a tenderness in the way she was looking at him, a soft smile playing on her lips as she watched over him sleeping.

He studied the photo until the sound of a mug being set beside him pulled him out of his reveries. Glancing up he found Chloe bent slightly so that their gazes were even, and he was surprised when he found the same tenderness in her ocean blue eyes now. She gave him a bright smile, reaching to lightly run her fingers through the hair hanging over his forehead.

“Can I get you anything else?” she murmured.

V shook his head, his mouth going dry and rendering him unable to answer her properly. Chloe nodded and straightened, but when she turned away he reached for her wrist. He pulled it closer, studying the daisy tattooed there, and after a moment raised his gaze to her bemused frown.

“Will you sit beside me?” he asked. “I’d - I’d like you to - unless you’d rather not -”

“Of course,” she told him. “Let me get my tea.”

He nodded and released her wrist, watching as she hurried off to the kitchen and then returned a moment later holding her tea. She sank onto the sofa beside him, glancing to the side and offering him yet another warm smile before she looked at the fire burning in the hearth. For a long time they were content to sit beside one another without a word, both lost in their own thoughts as they sipped their tea. After a while Chloe reached almost instinctively for where his hand rested on his knee, idly turning his fingers in hers and squeezing occasionally as if to reassure him.

Still, after everything, her priority was him, and his heart ached again as he felt the scales tip even further in her favor.


	3. I'll Keep My Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 606 aka Six aka Olivia Lee belongs to my good fren [ladymdc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymdc/pseuds/ladymdc) and the text messages referenced here are from Chapter 2 of [Thump. Thump.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17994386), part of our collected Vverse AU (The "A Chance of Happiness" Series)

The discovery of the clawfoot tub tucked away in the bathroom between the bedrooms had been more than welcome. Seven and Vanderwood were still working in the same side room when she’d gotten up to get some tea, V was still in bed, hopefully resting once more. And so she took the opportunity to lock herself in the chilly bathroom to try to soak away some of this stress.

After rinsing out the tub she filled it until steam curled off the water’s surface in the dim grey light filtering in through the window. It had to be just after dawn, and she didn’t bother to turn the lights on. She simply wanted a chance to let her mind rest, a chance to be by herself and think.

The last few days didn’t feel real, but it had been long enough she knew it wasn’t a dream. As she sank into the tub she set her phone aside on the nearby stool, on top of the surprisingly fluffy towel she had found in the linen closet. She needed her phone on hand in case V needed her, but really at the moment she wanted it as far from her as possible.

Room to breathe, to think - away from that strange chatroom, away from Rika and the way she ricocheted from one motive to another, watching as she alternated begging and humiliating V. And if she had to see him offer to sacrifice himself one more time…

With a groan she leaned back against the rim of the tub, closing her eyes and rubbing at her temples with her fingers. While making her tea she had checked the strange chatroom, her new habit after only a few days with the RFA, only to find V logged in as well. To her dismay he had been stubborn as usual, even more determined to solve this all by giving himself up, and letting Rika win.

She wanted desperately to blame the drugs, the detox and withdrawal that Vanderwood and Seven had both warned could make him depressed. Determined to keep him from falling into despair she kept a smile on her face, tending to him as best she could, singing when his sleep was fraught with delusions and soothing him when he groaned in pain. She wished she could speak with Jumin most of all at the moment, that V’s lifelong friend could give her words of wisdom on how to help him when he needed it the most. But they were alone, cut off from everyone else.

When she closed her eyes she remembered the strange throne room, the days she had spent listening to Rika. It had felt like talking in circles, listening to her speak again and again about what ‘lies’ and ‘hypocrisies’ V had committed. Yet Chloe couldn’t help but think that in the end this boiled down to a misunderstanding of two persons, and tragic love wrought with mistakes. There was a time she would have thought it romantic if seen in a movie or a novel, but now, having witnessed it…

She wanted nothing to do with it.

Rika had tried to get her to see her point of view, but Chloe had merely resisted rolling her eyes and escaped to the messenger to seek out the others to keep her sane. At least she had still been allowed that, during her time with ‘The Savior,’ though she had forced a smile and lied that she was telling them horrible things about V. In reality, though, she had been doing what she could to bolster their spirits so that a rescue could be planned.

The hours that V had been in captivity had been more difficult than anything she had been through, worrying over his safety and what they might be doing with him while in danger herself. Even her grandmother’s illness and passing hadn’t elicited the same level of stress, merely because in a way it had been expected, something she had been able to plan for. But the idea of V being tortured while she sat helplessly in some ridiculous dress with tea in front of her, across the table from his dangerous ex-lover…

It had been too much.

Sighing Chloe slipped under the water to wet her hair, and when she reemerged she set to work washing it, thankful to have found some shampoo and conditioner stashed away in a cabinet. Whatever this cabin was used for, she wasn’t entirely sure, but she found she didn’t mind not having her curiosity sated. They were safe, and had food, shelter, and even the ability to stay clean while they stabilized V and worked to regain control of the messenger.

She hadn’t thought she’d ever be so grateful for a small bottle of generic shampoo and conditioner. But now as she ran her fingers through her hair and tried to untangle the knots in the strands she found herself almost smiling at the simple pleasure of cleansing herself. It was a welcome distraction from the thoughts and feelings racing through her, since her mind wouldn’t quiet no matter how hard she tried.

_If that is what it takes to protect you, I’ll do anything…_

_You should treasure yourself, Chloe. You deserve that. I’m not even worth it, so don’t worry too much about me._

The words had been written in the messenger, but she could hear them in his voice, the soft way it had cracked a few times on the phone when she called to check on him when either one of them had stepped out for fresh air. There was so much pain in his words, so much guilt and shame in the way his brows furrowed when he looked at her or Seven. Especially when he thought she didn’t see him, and she caught him looking so pained it tore her heart into pieces.

 _It’d be best if I could get lost somewhere where I couldn’t meet anyone...and die there…_ He’d said to her on the phone the day before. No matter what she told him, no matter what she said, he seemed determined to take all the blame into himself, and doubt that things could ever improve. It was so different from how she thought of things, having always held onto the idea that one day things would get better, that life could only go up and up, especially by holding onto hope.

All she wanted was for him to realize it wasn’t all his fault, and that he didn’t have to face it alone. From everything she had gathered listening to Rika and he both, their relationship had been flawed from the start and only twisted further as it continued over the years. While she was inexperienced with love, she understood enough to know that this wasn’t love - or at least, not love as it should be. Yet she also knew that it was easiest to see things like this as an outsider looking in, detached and removed from the situation.

The most important thing she wanted V to realize was that sacrificing himself to Rika for everyone wasn’t the way. In the end it would only cause more pain, more damage, and possibly not solve anything at all. Not to mention the fact that the idea of him in pain, letting himself suffer for them - for _her_ \- broke her heart.

As she idly flicked the water with her fingers, she leaned back and contemplated how she could ever make him see. But he was stubborn, and she knew she couldn’t force it. He needed reassurance and for the right ideas to be reinforced for him, but any conclusion he came to he needed to reach on his own. Her grandmother had done similarly with her as a teenager, laughing to herself that Chloe was too stubborn to accept advice she didn’t think she’d come up with on her own. At least now she understood her struggle.

She wrestled too with things she knew she shouldn’t say, confessions she had to keep to herself despite how painful they were to hold inside. What he needed wasn’t her deeper truths but her support and care, and she was content to set aside selfish desires to help him. With that thought she reached instinctively for her phone, opening the string of text messages V had sent when he had been half-awake the morning before.

_I...think I’ve found a new muse. I think I’d be able to pick up my brush again if that muse is with me._

_No, I shouldn’t think like this. I don’t deserve to._

Chewing her lip she stared at the texts, again feeling the complicated twist of emotions the words brought on. A sliver of hope that he meant her tugged at her heart, yet it was tempered with understanding that this was the last thing they should be thinking of at the moment. However disappointed that might make her feel...

Her own feelings had surprised her, and she had tried to figure out just when and how they had come about. But she knew she had enjoyed speaking to him from the first, even though he had been suspicious and trying to get information from her after her strange introduction. Yet even then he had called to check on her as if he cared, and she knew now that he had been worried she was in terrible danger. His protective streak seemed so natural to him, adding to the tenderness of his concern for the members of the RFA - herself included.

Every time they had spoken, she had felt as if she was speaking with a kindred spirit. They were both mourning for lost loved ones, in their own way - a way no one else seemed to be able to understand. V had mentioned he felt comfortable speaking with her, that he felt himself being more open than he was otherwise. Her heart still raced to think about it, thinking how she had felt just the same, and still did.

Her grandmother had always insisted on carrying on, and she hadn’t had the luxury of falling apart. Left alone, thrust into adulthood early trying to support herself, having to give up dreams in order to simply pay the rent...Tears and mourning hadn’t been options for her. Even if she had wanted to, she hadn’t ever been much of a crier - instead she just thought of the happy times, and the life she had had with her grandmother, always alive in her memories.

The last few days she had felt more frustration than despair, and not once had her eyes filled with tears. Sometimes she thought something was wrong with her, that she could stay so calm and cheerful in the midst of chaos. But her grandmother had told her that everyone handled things in their own way, and one day she was certain to find something worth crying over. Until then, she would continue to persevere in the sunshine of her life, and her innocent disposition.

The water was finally chilled, and her fingers were pruned from how long she had relaxed in the tub. With a sigh she pulled the plug from the drain and heaved herself out to wrap herself in the fluffy towel waiting for her. After she had dried off she looked at the dress waiting on the counter for her, dreading putting it back on. Rika had picked it out for her, presenting it as if it was a wonderful gift to ‘who she really was inside.’

Chloe hadn’t felt safe enough in the moment to tell her she preferred the clothes she had been wearing, and now she could only lament that her yellow high tops had been left behind. Poking at the dress she wished she had anything else to wear, but that was the one thing this cabin seemed to lack was a change of clothes - and even if it had some she doubted they would fit her.

The first aid kit Vanderwood had brought in was sitting on the counter, and she spotted the pair of scissors he had used to cut some gauze for a wound V had on his arm. Determined to make the dress manageable, she picked up the scissors and separated the layers of fabric. Cutting the heavier inner layers to knee-length, she left the sheer chiffon slightly longer, though she wondered why she cared about style at the moment. All she could think was that she had a slightly childish desire to still look pretty around V.

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes at herself, she towel dried her hair before pulling the now lighter, more practical dress back on.

_My Savior will like you._

_I miss you - please don’t leave me. Please don’t abandon me._

_I wanna have you...No matter what. Didn’t Ray also say that? Don’t you wanna know what he imagined about you?_

_You’d better take good care of yourself until I come and get you..._

She opened her eyes, unaware that she had clenched them shut tight as the thoughts swam to the front of her mind despite her best efforts to keep them out. Willing herself to refocus and forget, she took a deep breath in an attempt to stop her hands from shaking and her stomach from churning.

_Go check on V. Maybe he needs you, and then you can forget._

Not allowing herself another moment to fixate on the renewed fear that coursed through her, she opened the bathroom door to hurry into the bedroom. V was resting once more, propped by the pillows into a half-seated position, his phone lying on his chest. Releasing the breath she had held in anxiety she sank into the chair beside the bed so she could lean her elbows on its edge. She hung her head and rested her forehead on her hands, willing herself to push aside the horrible memories of the last few days.

She needed to focus - V needed her, she needed to keep her cool for him, for Seven, for herself. Too much was at stake to let herself be scared. They still had so much to overcome, and she worried what would happen if she wavered now.

The softest touch of a hand on her head pulled her out of her thoughts, but she stayed still as she enjoyed the feeling of her hair being idly stroked. V’s fingers caught in a knot and he worked to gently undo it so he could continue combing the strands. He pulled a portion of her tresses toward him, still running his fingers through as if he was studying them.

“It’s funny how different it looks wet...like coils of bronze rope, instead of liquid flame...” he mused to himself before he trailed off into a sigh. “Beautiful beyond words, the kind I tried to capture in nature with my work. Beauty I don’t deserve to look upon, not now…”

The return of shame to his low, calm voice broke her heart, and she lifted her head to search out his gaze. As soon as she stirred he pulled his hand away, removing his fingers from working through yet another snare in her waves as if he had been caught.

“Are you awake?” he asked.

“Yes. V, how are you doing?” She frowned as she took in the slightly furtive way his eyes avoided hers.

“I’m fine, I was just thinking,” he told her.

“About what? Tell me,” she encouraged, reaching for his hand instinctively to reassure him as she did.

“Rika, and me, and...about you,” he answered, and his fingers tightened slightly in her grasp. “I went there to save and protect you, but instead you’ve helped me. So much. You seem to be...a very strong person. But compared to you, I’m…”

“You’re strong as well, V,” she insisted. She leaned forward again so that she could peer up into his face.

Still he tried his best to avoid holding her gaze, meeting it once before he glanced down. “No, I’m - I’m not at all strong or responsible, not as I should be, not as head of an organization or a leader of others.”

“V, you’ve been through a lot. And it’s all right, you’re good enough just the way you are. Really.”

The slightest hint of a smile came to his lips, but just as soon as it appeared it vanished. “Thank you for saying that,” he breathed. “I feel so comfortable, so at ease when I talk to you. I’m not sure why. Is it because of this vibe you have…?”

He trailed off, staring at where she held his hand, and she gently stroked her thumb back and forth where it rested against his skin.

“I feel the same, V,” she told him after a moment, her voice quiet as if she was worried about speaking the truth into the silence. “I feel like we share a - bond. Maybe because of what we went through, but even before that. Speaking with you has been so easy, from that first moment.”

V shook his head and glanced away. “I’m arguing every day against myself, whether I’m on the right track. However, when you support me when that happens...I get just a tiny bit of confidence that I am on the right track.”

“I have faith in you.”

A soft sigh left him and again his eyes sought hers. “I’m so sorry for making you see me like this. You deserve only good things, not - not this. Chloe,” he shook his head and pulled his fingers from hers, “please don’t be too nice to me. I’m not worth it.”

“V -”

“As I talked with you, I was able to realize so many things I never knew about myself, about love. Once my vision grew, I could see little by little how trapped I was in my own world. However...I’m already a sinner. There are so many sins I’ve committed.” He shook his head, reaching absently for his phone before he set it down again. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he prepared himself to speak again, as if he worried over how he was going to continue.

“I don’t deserve to be happy with someone. The more happy I become...the more Rika will hate me. I must do something about Rika. I must sacrifice myself to stop her.”

“There you go again.” Chloe pushed herself back in the chair, folding her arms as she tried her best to hide the irritation bubbling up within her. “You’re trying to handle everything by yourself -”

“Do you think...this is my habit? But this is different. This is something I must handle on my own. I can no longer watch anyone else get hurt,” he insisted, and the determined look in his eyes pained her. “I’m the one who ruined her...If I sacrifice myself, Rika will stop. That’s all I can ever wish for. I’ll finally be at peace too, if I can do that…”

“You don’t have to do this alone, V. We can work together, you can rely on us, rely on me instead of trying to take everything on yourself like always,” she assured him. She hoped he was as coherent as he seemed, that her words would finally penetrate his painful depression and drug-induced confusion.

“I’m not the type of man who could do that. I’ve already failed once. And as a result...Rika changed and became like that. It’s because of me. Please, let me do this alone,” V implored, and he reached a hand as if to take hers but changed his mind and rested it on the comforter instead. “There’s only one victim necessary - me. I’ll stop Rika and protect everyone. That’s the only meaning left in my life.”

“No, there’s so much more than that for you, V. Stop thinking like that, stop insisting you have to do this -”

“I can never forgive myself,” he interrupted, shaking his head. “Maybe...Maybe I should’ve never done something like love. If I’d known this is how things would turn out...I wouldn’t have tried in the first place.”

“Stop talking nonsense. Back then you only had innocent intentions...You only wished to experience love,” she told him. “That’s only natural, and it just - it didn’t work out. That happens, V, and it doesn’t make you a horrible person. Please, please listen to me…”

“Chole, if you keep telling me that I might as well really trust that you’re right. Do you think I can still be forgiven?” He paused and let out a deep sigh. “You’d better stay away from me. I...I’m a bizarre person, just like Rika. I might hurt you.”

“You could never hurt me -”

“I’d be in so much pain, if you suffered because of me,” he continued to insist, as if her words hadn’t reached him. Or as if he was merely refusing them. “What if you become like Rika? What if I ruin you as you stay with me? I’m a monster, like Rika. Please...I don’t want to hurt you. Not you, never you.”

“You’re not a monster, V! You’re just...you’ve experienced tragically sad love. That’s all,” she pointed out. “V, I wish you’d see - I wish you’d listen to me and see yourself as I see you. And that you’d see me. I’m not - I’m not Rika, and you couldn’t hurt me -”

“No, I am a monster. I was addicted to loving someone endlessly, to the point that I devastated her. I was a fool, a monster, who thought that was the proper way of love. I’m just an empty shell...who tried to find meaning in love, because I didn’t even know who I really am,” he murmured. Shaking his head again he raised a hand and rubbed at his eyelids with his thumb and forefinger. After a moment he looked at her again, holding her gaze with such a mournful look in his eyes it broke her heart.

“Chloe...this is who I am. I’m a photographer, the head of the RFA, Rika’s past lover...The one who ruined Rika. I’m a coward, trapped in my own fear.” He paused and a frown came to his face, and he let out a soft chuckle before he looked away from her. “Wait...actually I don’t know. I don’t know who I am, what kind of person I am...Perhaps there is no definition of the real me. I’m just a bunch of complicated problems like a package of blank, white puzzles.”

“You can find your hue from now on. You can start discovering yourself from the beginning,” she pointed out. “V, before you can love someone you have to know and love yourself. That’s all, you - you can find happiness. But first you have to be happy with yourself, you can’t find happiness in someone else. It doesn’t work like that, but you can find happiness if you try.”

“You really think so?” He held her gaze, but doubt clouded his eyes and he emphatically shook his head. “Thank you for believing that, Chloe. I wish I could’ve met you sooner. But if I did...do you think there would’ve been anything different? This idea won’t leave my head. I keep wondering why I had to meet you now. But now it’s already too late...I was determined to vanish alone once I stop Rika.”

“Please don’t go, V,” she whispered. “Stay. Stay and find a new path.”

“It’s too late to find a new path. I’ve come too far for that. So please...don’t try to comfort me anymore, Chloe. I...I can’t stay with you. I don’t deserve it -”

“V, stop it,” she cut in, and she found herself on her feet without consciously meaning to do so. “Don’t you see? All of us are helping you, all of us are trying to fix this _with_ you, and you just want to throw your life away to - to satisfy some obsession! You’re so stubborn, can’t you see how much we all care? How much - h-how much I care?”

He stared at her, eyes wide in response to what must have seemed to him a sudden outburst. His lips parted, chin dropping as his Adam’s apple bobbed once more in his throat, but whatever he thought of saying wasn’t given voice. He merely continued to stare at her, slowly closing his mouth as his brows furrowed slightly.

Heaving a sigh Chloe put her hands on her hips, staring down at her feet for a moment before she shook her head. “I’m - going to get some cereal,” she muttered. Without looking back she turned on her heel and left the bedroom, unwilling to let herself remain for fear of what else she might say. Her feelings had gotten the best of her, her continued frustration that he was stuck in this mindset instead of considering any other path before him.

In the kitchen she grabbed a bowl as well as the box of cereal and bottle of milk before she sank into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Exhaustion overwhelmed her until she felt as if she had aged several years over the course of a few days. She no longer felt like the bright, hopeful eighteen year-old who had taken a promising job in the hopes of being able to comfortably pay her bills for a while. The innocent and gullible girl she had been then felt so different from who she was now - although strangely not really as different as she expected to feel.

Once she had poured herself some Fruit-e-O’s she began to eat in silence, trying to ignore the impulse to turn over her words and regret them one by one. He had needed to hear it, needed someone to pull him out of his spiral of self-hatred and guilt, and the way it was being compounded by the drugs working their way out of his system.

She didn’t have long to stew with her thoughts before someone rushed into the kitchen, and when she glanced over her shoulder she saw Vanderwood walking briskly to the cabinets. He grabbed a bowl and then took the seat across from her, barely glancing up as he got his own serving of cereal. As he began eating he pulled a phone from his pocket, and hers suddenly buzzed with a notification that someone was in the chatroom.

Deciding it was better to look, even for the opportunity to argue with Rika, she opened the RFA app, only to see Seven in the chatroom.

[Chloe]: Hey hey hey, God7

[707]: lol

[707]: It’s Vanderwood

[707]: I’m sitting across from you eating Fruit-e-O’s right now

Chloe glanced up, spoon hovering over her bowl as she watched Vanderwood typing on the phone he held. He looked up briefly before he buried his attention in the phone once more, and she shook her head at the ridiculousness of being in the chatroom together.

[707]: So this is the RFA app?

[707]: What’s wrong with it?

[Chloe]: Hacker got it...that’s why Seven’s been working so hard

[707]: Him? Working hard? Ha!

[Chloe]: What?

[707]: Those words just don’t go together for him.

[707]: So the hacker and everything...is that why you look so angry, Princess?

[Chloe]: Couple questions, Madam

[Chloe]: Princess?

[Chloe]: And do I really seem angry?

[707]: Couple answers, Princess

[707]: Yes, Princess. Although your dress looks a little less “Damsel in Distress” and more “Damsel who Fought A Dragon and Won” now

[707]: And yes, you look like you have a personal vendetta against those pieces of sugar you’re shoveling into your mouth

[Chloe]: Point taken…

She raised her gaze from her phone finally, noticing that he was studying her. When he caught her eye he smirked knowingly, and she shook her head and looked away.

[Chloe]: So, what has he told you about anything?

[707]: Not much, which is frustrating.

[707]: “Do this, Madam. Clean here, Madam. Look at these photos, Madam. I’m 707 and I never take anything seriously!!”

[Chloe]: Sounds like you have some stuff to get off your chest

[707]: Don’t get me started…

[Chloe]: I mean, the chatroom floor is yours. By all means, Madam, continue.

[707]: **707!!!**

[707]: **You bastard**

[707]: get your work done before the deadline!

[707]: stop eating chips at home!!

[707]: or clean out the crumbs yourself!! I am not your maid

[707]: And

[707]: **stop calling me Madam!!!!**

[707]: Gaaaaaahhhhh!!

[Chloe]: Feel better?

[707]: …

[707]: A bit

[Chloe]: Good.

[707]: It’s easier to talk like this...I thought everyone was ignoring me

[Chloe]: I thought you were ignoring us

[707]: No, I would’ve loved to talk to you

[707]: …

[707]: I just would have only talked about what I need, not...anything else. This is...freer

[707]: Does that guy...V? Is that his name? Does he not like me or something?

[Chloe]: He’s kinda been...going through some stuff, you know?

[707]: I know that, Princess. Duh

[707]: He just always avoids me if he can

[Chloe]: Probably feels embarrassed having to rely on a stranger, he’s stubborn enough with his friends

[707]: Won’t he see that you said that later?

[Chloe]: He’ll admit that’s the truth, probably. Maybe

[Chloe]: However, since he won’t say it...let me say thank you for him. You helped save his life, and I’m glad I had you to help me.

[707]: I...um...didn’t do it for gratitude

[Chloe]: Well you’ve got it ^^

[707]: Can I ask something personal?

[707]: You don’t have to answer…

[Chloe]: Go for it

[707]: Are you and that V guy...are you together?

[Chloe]: …?

[Chloe]: Um...no. We’re not.

[707]: oh no! What a shame…

His response had been sent in Seven’s sparkly bubble with glasses, and she couldn’t help but think that Vanderwood, if he knew he had chosen that option, was being sarcastic. Before she could reply a camera clicked and a picture appeared in the chat. A picture of Vanderwood, to be specific.

Chloe snorted into her bowl, biting her lip as she tried to suppress the giggles brought on by such a _glorious_ accidental selfie. When she chanced a glance at Vanderwood she noticed a slight tint of pink on his cheeks, and he pointedly avoided her gaze.

[707]: oops, wrong button

[Chloe]: Hehe it’s ok, nice to see such a handsome face in the chatroom ^^

[707]: hnatk!!

[707]: tahnk..

[707]: thanks…

[707]: I wasn’t trying to get a compliment though...now I feel put on the spot. Um

[Chloe]: You’re blushing. Awww I didn’t know a secret agent could blush so much

Across the table from her Vanderwood seemed to choke, clearing his throat and coughing slightly into one gloved hand.

[Chloe]: hehe sorry…

Vanderwood began to type once more, but Chloe finally laughed and set her phone down.

“This is ridiculous, you’re sitting right here,” she pointed out.

Vanderwood froze, staring at the phone he held before he finally glanced up at her. After a moment he chuckled and shrugged. “You hadn’t really talked to me before…”

“Not true -”

“Calling me ‘Madam’ and arguing over treating the head of that association doesn’t really count,” he groused.

“Fair point,” she agreed, then smiled. An awkward moment of silence passed as she considered what to say, and then she pointed at Seven’s phone. “So what else does he have on there? That’s only one of his phones, right?”

“A shit ton of missed calls from - um - Elly’s Mom? But why is the picture of a man?” Vanderwood turned the phone to show her, and frowned when she dissolved into a fit of laughter. “And who is Superman Yoosung? Assistant Jaehee Kang (Beware of being hurled) - hurled? Does that person do judo?”

“She might,” Chloe said with a shrug and more giggles.

“And 606 is?”

“Oh! She’s in there?” Chloe leaned forward, trying to see the screen.

“‘Six in space respond, over!’ Does he really think he’s texting someone in space?” Vanderwood scoffed, shaking his head as he scrolled through the messages.

“No, he got her number - hey what are you doing?”

“Asking who she is.” Vanderwood continued typing quickly and hit send before Chloe could grab the phone from him.

 _Who’s this?_ The text read.

“Direct. She’s going to be so confused,” Chloe told him, shaking her head as he merely smirked.

“What else should I have said? I just want to know who she is,” Vanderwood said. “Oh, she replied.”

He turned the phone so she could see it, and she leaned across the table to read it.

_[606]: Did we not cover that?_

“Great now she probably thinks he’s being weird,” Chloe muttered.

_You might have covered it with 707 but this isn’t him. So who are you?_

Vanderwood glanced at her and shrugged again after hitting send.

“Do you often just text people and ask who they are this bluntly?” Chloe asked, tilting her head as she noticed the slight gleam of mischief in Vanderwood’s golden eyes.

He was enjoying this too much.

_[606]: Six._

Chloe laughed at the scowl that came across Vanderwood’s face at the simple, unhelpful answer. “Tell her I say hi.”

_Princess Chloe says hi, by the way._

“Wait don’t hit send!”

But he did, and then a breath of laughter escaped before he managed to hide the smile on his face.

“What’s with calling me a princess?” Chloe asked, frowning as she set her spoon in her empty bowl.

Vanderwood shoveled the last bite of his cereal into his mouth, avoiding her gaze, and again a slight rosy hue came upon his cheeks. Before he could answer, Seven’s phone buzzed in his hand and he turned his attention to it as if grateful for the interruption.

_[606]: Greetings, Your Majesty. What an honor this is, getting a hello from a princess._

Chloe snorted, and for a moment they both laughed softly before Vanderwood readied the touch screen's keyboard. “Ooh, tell her -”

The sound of footsteps behind them made them gasp and look to the door, Chloe feeling as if she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. V shuffled into the room, dressed once more, and he stopped when he saw what must have been guilty looks on Chloe and Vanderwood’s faces.

None of them said a word as V took a bowl and sat in the chair between them at the side of the table. Chloe returned her gaze to the empty bowl in front of her, the carefree humor of a moment ago disappearing as reality came crashing back into the room. A timid glance at V showed his hand shaking slightly as he filled his cereal bowl with milk, and Chloe chewed her lip as she considered what she could say.

Across the table from her Vanderwood sat up straight and slid the phone he held away from him, and the sound of more footsteps behind her a second later explained why. Seven wandered into the room, taking a moment to let his glare roam over the three at the table, a sharp frown on his face. He made his way to the refrigerator, still frowning in their direction, and after he grabbed a PhD Pepper he stood for a moment staring at them each in turn.

Slowly he circled the table, attention never leaving them, and Chloe avoided his gaze and leaned away from where his phone rested on the table as she did her best not to laugh. Vanderwood shifted in his seat as well and Chloe pointedly avoided looking at him, knowing she would dissolve into laughter if she caught his eye. Seven stopped beside her and she peeked up at him before quickly looking away, pressing her lips together to stifle the laughter brought on by his baffled glare.

Seven picked his phone off the table before he slowly backed out of the kitchen, still keeping his eyes on the three sitting in awkward silence. Once he was finally out of the room, Vanderwood released a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing. Chloe met his gaze and he winked, and the pair finally began laughing, unable to keep it in any longer.

“What the hell?! Madam Vanderwood, you little - get in here!” Seven’s yell carried across the cabin.

“Oops, gotta go!” Vanderwood declared, and he pushed himself up from the table without another second’s hesitation. He hurried out of the kitchen and across the main room of the cabin, but Chloe heard the front door of the cabin slam behind him.

“Must have needed a smoke,” she muttered, glancing at V and hoping they could break the tension left by the other man’s departure.

The slightest smile tugged up the corners of V’s mouth, and he set his spoon down in his bowl. For a moment he stared at the table before he raised his furtive gaze to hers. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “You’ve been putting up with so much, and I - I’m so grateful for all of it. Thank you, Chloe, for bearing with me.”

“Of course,” she answered softly, offering a smile when he braved looking at her directly. “Are you feeling better? The meds might have worn off, but you seemed to sleep a little more peacefully last night…”

V stared at her, his lips parting before he shook his head and let out a soft breath of laughter. “After - after that you’re still caring for me. I - I do feel a little better. Perhaps after eating I’ll go out for some fresh air,” he told her. “Thank you, Chloe. Your support, I - I think...If there comes one more chance, maybe...No. Nothing. I should - just focus on eating.”

“Are you all right?”

“I’m worried if I continue that line of thought I might say something funny to you. I’m sorry, and I’m sorry too for how much I keep apologizing,” he said, and he chuckled as he shook his head. “Thank you.”

Chloe reached for his hand and squeezed his fingers, smiling when he looked back up. “Do you want some tea?”

“Yes, please.”

She released his hand and eagerly pushed herself out of her seat to get the kettle ready. His recognition of her words, his gratitude and apology had fixed it all, and the tension in the room melted away.

As always, hope was better to hold onto in place of regret, and she hummed to herself as she made them tea, a bright smile back on her face.


	4. A Warm Embrace

Perhaps the drug was finally leaving his system, because the slightest bit of hope was now peeking through the gloom.

The fact that the sliver of hope was bright as the sheet of liquid fire he kept finding himself studying was worrying, since he felt concerned he might fall into his old habits. It was the last thing he wanted, to repeat the cycle, to make the same mistakes…

Her outburst in the morning had been a one time occurence, a scolding that seemed to help her get her thoughts off her chest before she returned to her calm and tender care. A voice in his head continued to muse over her words the rest of the day, occasionally asking, ‘ _what if she’s right?_ ’

The thought had prompted him to ramble in the chatroom, rational for a moment in his realizations that his confession that it was obsession and not love would mean his sacrifice likely wouldn’t stop any of this. Not anymore. He was changing, thinking more clearly than he had in ages, and he could see the paths laid before and behind him with more clarity than he had before he met Chloe.

Still, every time they spoke, she encouraged and supported him wholeheartedly. He kept expecting her to leave, to tell him she’d given up, give him an ultimatum, lash out - but she continued with soft words and a bright smile. Her reassurances were nurturing the hope putting down small roots within him, and he was beginning to consider options that wouldn’t lead to his destruction. She gave him courage, such tender affirmations, and continual faith that he could overcome this all.

Why had he met her now? How different would life be if he had met her sooner?

Yet life had merged their paths now, likely when he needed her the most, standing on a precipice of change or destruction, and ever so innocently she helped guide him toward the former. Could he change, as she kept saying? And if he took solace in those words and believed them, would things turn out differently? Would he still find the strength and opportunity to save and protect everyone?

Her faith made him feel like a new man, a man who wasn’t a bad person, who had only made mistakes but still had time to change and fix things. He had never been more grateful to anyone, and however things turned out now he knew he would cherish her sweet words as long as he lived.

Even Luciel had noticed the positive influence Chloe had on him, had pointed out how different he seemed with her by his side. He had also begged him not to seek out Rika one last time, to rely on the rest of the RFA to help him, just as Chloe had. It helped reinforce her words - even after all of this, all that he had done, they were all still rallying around him and offering their help. He didn’t feel worthy, but looking into ocean blue eyes and a warm smile, he began to feel that he could strive to deserve the help, if he embraced change and accepted assistance.

Could he be a better man? Was it possible he wasn’t too far gone, as he had thought?

The sound of Luciel and Vanderwood speaking in the other room pulled him out of his musings, and he looked toward their voices. From where he sat on the sofa he could see them in the side room they had stayed in most of the time, and instinctively he let his gaze roam around the main room in search of a tattered blue dress and long, flame red waves.

“Do you need something?”

The soft voice came from nearby and he glanced to the side, his blurry vision finally coming to rest on the one he had sought. She stopped beside the sofa, smiling down at him as she reached her finger to brush along his cheek as if testing his temperature. Although if he wasn’t mistaken it felt more like a simple caress than anything.

“Chloe,” he breathed, giving her a soft smile. The tight feeling in his chest seemed to ease slightly when he met her gaze, and he frowned a little at how he felt comforted by so little. “Actually I’d - I’d like to get some fresh air. Can you - can you help -”

Before he could finish the request she held her hands out, helping to brace him as he pushed himself to his feet. She smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling his arm about her shoulders. “Here, lean on me.”

“Thank you,” he murmured, letting her help prop him up. “You’re like the savior of my life, you’ve done so much.”

“It’s been my pleasure,” she assured him, giving a light shrug of her shoulders. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better, and I - I want to thank you again, that’s mostly due to you.”

“Vanderwood helped too,” she pointed out, shaking her head as she let out a soft giggle.

At the reminder he felt his cheeks heat and glanced away, falling silent as they made their way out the front door of the cabin. He recalled the bright laughter and easy smiles that morning in the kitchen, at whatever jokes the pair had shared before he joined them. A sigh fought its way to his lips but he resisted it, knowing he wasn’t deserving of her humor. The other man could make her happy, and all he continued to do was drag her down with him into pain and ruination. It wasn’t at all what she deserved.

When he looked at where she walked tucked to his side, he was surprised to see a soft smile on her face, one so different from the morning’s. Her fingers were interlaced with his, and she occasionally tightened her hold and stroked his skin with her thumb. The moonlight illuminated her waves so that they shone copper, and this close he found himself mesmerized by the pale glow of her alabaster skin, as if she was lit from within.

She glanced up and caught his eye, her smile faltering for a moment before it widened. Letting out a breath of laughter she quirked an eyebrow. “Are you all right?”

“I - I am, sorry,” he hurried to say, looking away once more. He worried at how intently he had been studying her, and whether or not she had noticed. But she merely readjusted her hold so that she was closer to him, and continued guiding them on the now familiar path that led away from the cabin.

“It feels so nice outside,” he commented after they had walked for a time in silence. “The breeze is cool. Luciel’s overanxious heat was pricking my nerves, back there.”

“Things have been a bit tense, you’re right,” she agreed. “Hopefully it will all be over soon, though.”

“Yes, it does seem to be coming to an end, hopefully. I, um - Chloe, there’s something I’d like to say to you,” he began carefully. Slowing his pace to a standstill, he removed his arm from around her shoulders. Besides wanting fresh air, he had wanted a chance to speak with her, in person away from the others. Now, though, he wasn’t entirely certain how to begin.

Chloe stopped before him, peering up at him eagerly as she waited for him to continue. When he didn’t she smiled and tilted her head. “What is it?”

“I - I wanted to thank you for coming into my life,” he told her. “So much has changed because of you, because of how your heart has reached me the last few days. Even a few days ago I wouldn’t have believed I could be so different from how I was, and it’s - it’s all thanks to you.”

“V, it’s mostly been you,” she denied, shaking her head. “You don’t need to thank me, I -”

“Yes, I do. You’ve shown me so much, helped me realize so much about myself, as I said earlier. I was like a plaster statue, flawless and perfect on the outside but empty inside, just as Jumin once told me.” He smiled at the baffled look on her face, wondering at the thoughts that must have been brought on by his words. But it was true, and he’d always been so good at working hard to hide his flaws. “No one ever tried to reach deep inside me or ask about what I might feel, neither my father nor Rika...few people have noticed the void within me, but no one addressed it. And I thought that was right, that that was how I should live.”

“You must have been so lonely,” Chloe murmured, frowning as she stared up at him.

“Yes, perhaps I was. I didn’t really know, though, not until - not until I met you. I’ve been neglecting myself, always, I’ve let myself remain empty.” Here he paused, his chest feeling tight again as he thought over his many regrets, the many mistakes he had made as he tried to prove his existence. “It meant that I couldn’t love, not the right way. The only way I could love was in a way that hurt someone, that hurt myself and my partner. I was simply aiming for my ideals, and it was an obsession to prove myself, that I was right, that I was a person.”

“You’re right, that’s not love,” she agreed softly. “And I’m so sorry you didn’t know otherwise, V...”

“Chloe, thank you. I was able to realize it, when I met you. I wouldn’t have come to realize it if you weren’t here for me, if you hadn’t given me courage and support to look within myself,” he interrupted, rushing his words. He wanted her to know, he needed to say it before he lost his nerve.

“V,” she breathed, and her voice cracked slightly. For a moment she stared up at him, and he opened his mouth to speak again, to continue expressing his gratitude, but he didn’t get the chance.

With one brisk step she closed the distance between them, slipping her arms around his waist and burying her face against his chest. Her hands grasped the back of his coat, holding him tightly with her ear pressed to where his heart was beating rapidly.

“Oh,” he gasped, taken aback by the ferocity with which she held him to her. “I - uh - um...thank you. So this...this is what it feels like, to be - embraced by someone.”

“Has no one ever hugged you before?” she asked, her voice slightly muffled from the way she clung to him even tighter in response to his admission.

“No, not - not like this. Not like you are.” He finally raised his arms, slowly, as if scared the spell of the moment would be broken as soon as he returned her embrace. Lightly he rested one arm about her shoulders, the other cradling the back of her head, intent on feeling the silky tresses of fire that mesmerized him so. “I was always the one to embrace, I never - I’ve never received one. It - it feels...kind of dreamy, or comfortable, or heart-fluttering, I...It feels...very, very special. Thank you, Chloe.”

“No, thank you, V,” she murmured. She rubbed her cheek where it was pressed to him, moving one hand to rest on his chest, fingers holding his shirt. “Thank you for finding me in my life, and accepting me.”

“Chloe.” He let his fingers tangle in her hair, holding her with slightly more intention than he had allowed himself before. “I can feel your temperature...your warmth. You’re so warm, always so warm…”

“I would have hugged you sooner if I’d known,” she whispered. “No one has hugged or comforted you, I just...I don’t know what to think.”

“The only person who ever wanted to embrace me was my mother, but at the time I - I didn’t let her,” he confessed quietly. How was it that even this, so painful and secret to him, was so easy to speak about with her?

“Your mother must have loved you very much.”

“Unfortunately I didn’t know that until it was too late. It wasn’t until I discovered her diaries in her belongings after she died, and was able to read what she thought and her dreams for me. Her desires for me to be an artist, her reverence for the sun, I...discovered all of it then,” he told her. “She lost her hearing in an accident, but she still loved me so unconditionally, and I - didn’t know or understand that. When my mother was alive, I never once told her ‘I love you.’ I never once said it, I…”

“I’m sure she knew,” Chloe murmured. “She was your mother, she wanted you to be happy, to be yourself, as mothers do.”

“No, then I didn’t know what love was,” he corrected her. “I didn’t want to know. I...regret how I treated her. I hated myself once she was gone, hated myself for never once being good to her. And after she passed away, I met Rika, and she was so craving for love. I wanted to give her that love, unconditional love, warmth as she had never experienced it before.”

Chloe’s fingers tightened on his shirt ever so slightly, a tension coming to her spine momentarily before she relaxed once more. “Of course you wanted to. It’s what we all want, to love and be loved.”

“I couldn’t, though. Not really, I was merely practicing a perfect ideal of love that I had in my mind. I sealed my heart with neglect of my dream to paint, and instead turned to a determination to practice unconditional love, which I poured all into Rika. I felt so bad for her, I thought she was such a tragic little thing,” he admitted. He shook his head, hating how blind he had been, and let his fingers idly play with her hair where they rested. “Perhaps the most tragic person was me, since I had no idea where I should go, what I should do.”

“You were lost.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “I had no definition of myself, and so I defined myself as a man who loved Rika unconditionally. After my mother’s death my artistic ego came to life, but ever so ambiguously. I had no idea who I was. I was so confused, and so I defined myself through love. But that was...wrong.”

“Not wrong, just misguided,” she pointed out, and again she nuzzled her cheek against his chest. “There is no perfect love, V. I think every love has a twist or two. And you’ve made it through them, to reach this point.”

“You’re - so warm, so wise. Your words, Chloe, are always so welcome. Thank you, for telling me that. This is all thanks to you. Your actions gave me the courage to stop running away and instead gaze inside myself.”

“I’m glad.”

“If...If I ever get another chance to love again, I want to be a complete man,” he mused, almost to himself. But he wanted her to hear these words, wanted her to understand - maybe, just _maybe_...one day. “I want to love without hurting my partner, or myself. I want to love as I should.”

“I’m sure you can, V,” she assured him. “I told you before I have faith in you.”

“I feel like I really could, since you keep telling me that,” he told her. His heart was racing, and he wondered if she could hear or feel it beating against where her cheek was pressed to him. But his confessions continued now that they had begun, the words pouring from him as if the dam on his heart had broken. “I keep thinking...that I’d like to be a positive idiot with you. Am I trying to lean on you…? I - I can’t tell. But thank you for coming into my life, Chloe...Thank you so much for telling me that…I - I would do anything for you…”

As he trailed off the slightest rustling of leaves behind him caught his attention, a prickling sensation on his neck making him aware of feeling watched. Instinct rose within him, well-practiced and trained to recognize who it must be, as if his body was still attuned to notice her nearness. How long she had lurked he wasn’t certain, and he wondered what she might think of the confessions he had just made. It was enough that he still held Chloe in his arms, and he finally began to disentangle himself from her, stepping back as he did.

She was smiling so sweetly as she looked up at him, ocean blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight as if they were stars that had been plucked from the heavens. Brushing her waist-length hair over one shoulder she absently fidgeted with it and he realized there was a slightly dusty tone to her pale cheeks. Was she flustered by his confessions, the thoughts he’d finally allowed himself to give voice to?

Before she could think to make confessions of her own he cleared his throat and looked away. If he continued to stare into her angelic face he couldn’t do what needed to be done, and right now he needed her far from here. Safe, he needed her safe and sound, no matter what was about to happen to him.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t spoken about my mother in so long, I’m afraid I got emotional,” he told her. “Will you give me a few moments to clear my head? I’ll meet you back at the cabin.”

“Will you be all right? I’d hate for you to trip in the dark,” Chloe said, frowning as she peered up at him.

“I’ll be fine,” he answered, and he hated that perhaps he had added another lie to his list of sins. “Please be careful, but I - I need a moment.”

“Of course,” she agreed, nodding her head. “I’ll have some tea ready when you get back. Don’t stay out too long.”

“I won’t.” He smiled, hoping he looked convincing. Unable to resist making certain she knew, he repeated one last time, "Thank you, Chloe."

For a moment she chewed her lip and considered him, and then gave another bright smile before turning away. He watched as she carefully picked her way along the path in the moonlight, the graceful bounce of her steps and sway of her long, fiery waves.

 _Focus on this moment, and you’ll remember it forever, like a picture taken by your mind,_ he told himself as he watched her walk away from him.

When he felt certain she was out of earshot, he took a deep breath before he addressed the silence.

“I know you’re here. How did you find me?”


	5. Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows Chapter 3 of Earned It and precedes Chapter 3 of Thump. Thump. in this series.

_Will I ever see him again?_

This wasn’t how she would want to remember, if that was the case. The slightest bit of mint hair visible under a nurse’s arm, an oxygen mask being fitted to him. And everything else deep red, his brown jacket and grey button up covered in his viscous, shining blood.

There was so much frantic energy around him, nurses getting what they needed as they pushed the stretcher down the hall, and then burst through double doors.

“Miss - miss, you can’t go back there.”

Chloe looked up at the nurse who had stopped her, a kind and understanding smile on their face as they turned her away. Seven was speaking rapidly with the person at the desk, Vanderwood hovering nearby, arms folded as he scowled over the waiting room.

The sensation of being watched finally permeated Chloe’s daze and she noticed the eyes of others around them on her. Glancing down she studied her hands, slick with his blood, the midnight blue of the dress she wore stained darker with it.

_V, stay with me - stay awake. Please, please - you can’t leave me here. You have to keep your promises. Please stay with me._

“Jumin!”

The call from Seven pulled her out of the memory, and she looked up. A tall figure in a dark suit was crossing the waiting room, and with a second perusal of her surroundings she realized the majority of the people there were dressed professionally. As if they weren't there for the ER themselves.

Following Jumin as he crossed to Seven was a young woman with brown hair and a pale, heart-shaped face. She was carrying a paper shopping bag and glanced first at Seven and then at Chloe, her eyes wide as she took in the sight of them both.

“Luciel,” Jumin greeted as he stopped before Seven.

“Jumin, thank God you’re here,” Seven said. “They just took him back, he’ll need surgery, did you -”

“It’s already taken care of, the best surgeon in the country is already here,” Jumin interrupted. His dark gaze wandered over Seven for a moment before he turned his head and locked eyes with Chloe. “I take it this is the Coordinator?”

“N-nice to finally meet you in person,” Chloe told him, giving a helpless shrug. “Um, I - I’d shake your hand, but...I...”

“Miss Owens, if you would.” Jumin turned to address the young woman behind him, and she gave a hesitant smile and nod before she dug into the bag she held.

“Here, Luciel, correct? Assistant Kang told me your sizes, I hope you don’t mind they’re - rather plain,” the assistant said. She carefully handed Seven a black shirt and jeans before reaching into the bag once more as she faced Chloe. “And Miss - I’m sorry, Chloe, yes? I - I’ll give you the bag. That's easiest. There’s a bathroom up on the floor we’ve secured.”

“Yes, if all of you would please come with us,” Jumin suggested, holding a hand out to indicate the way. “We’ll get situated so that we can work. There are facilities so you can both change, and I’ve got a room for you to set up your equipment, Luciel. Miss Owens, if you would speak with the staff about -”

“Of course, Mr. Han,” Miss Owens agreed, and with a curt nod she hurried away, intent on carrying out whatever orders she had anticipated. One of the many suit-clad bodyguards split off and followed her.

For a moment Jumin stared after her before he turned on his heel and led the way to the elevators, speaking rapidly under his breath with Seven. A gentle touch at Chloe’s elbow made her look up, and she saw Vanderwood standing close beside her, frowning as he studied her.

“Thank you for helping him,” Chloe murmured.

Vanderwood’s frown sharpened for a moment before it relaxed and he nodded once. “He’ll be fine, Princess.”

Unable to think of anything to say, Chloe simply nodded and followed the group onto the elevators. When they came to a stop at the right floor, Chloe stepped out, surprised to see even more security roaming the halls. Luckily the bathrooms were right across from the elevator, and she hurried into the women’s.

The pale, frightened girl covered in blood who stared back at her from the mirror seemed a stranger. But her shock slowly faded and turned into a desperate need for action, and she hurried forward to the sink. How long she spent scrubbing her hands and arms she wasn’t sure, simply repeating the motions with the soap and hot water until it ran clear.

Next was the dress, and she peeled it off herself before throwing it aside. Within the shopping bag she found a pair of dark jeans and a chunky oatmeal colored sweater, as well as a pair of black ballet flats. She had been hopeful when Jaehee asked for her sizes through a text, and now seeing fresh clothing and sensible shoes brought a small slice of joy to the situation she found herself in.

Once she was finally in the new clothes, she picked the dress off the floor and stared at it for a moment. A sudden strange attachment to it gripped her, the realization that it was what she had worn the majority of the time she had been with him.

_What if…?_

Determination that that wouldn’t be the case seized her, and she balled the dress up and threw it into the trash can.

For several moments she stood, thinking over the events of the evening, trying to cling to the memory of holding him in her arms, of the things he had said to her under the moonlight. If she had known this would happen, she wouldn’t have left his side.

If she had known, she would have…

A soft knock on the door preceded it opening a crack, and the assistant, Miss Owens, peeked her head in. “Oh, apologies,” she muttered, opening the door just a bit more. “Mr. Han wanted me to check on you and see if there was anything you need.”

“No, I’m - fine, I suppose,” Chloe answered, but she frowned. There was a melodic sound to the way the assistant formed her words, and if Chloe wasn’t mistaken… “You’re British, aren’t you?” she asked in English.

The assistant smiled and nodded, finally walking into the bathroom and closing the door. “I am,” she answered in English as well. “You sound American?”

Chloe nodded as well, a soft smile parting her lips, but she reached a hand up to run along them. “Um, do you by any chance have some lip balm? My lips are killing me.”

“Oh, of course,” the assistant said, digging in the pocket of her blazer. She passed over a tube of a Korean lip balm, and Chloe giggled as she accepted it.

“This looks like something Zen would recommend using,” she muttered. At the lost look on the other woman’s face she shook her head. “One of the RFA.”

“I see,” Miss Owens said as she accepted her lip balm once more. “I’m Poppy, by the way.”

“Chloe. Nice to officially meet you.”

Poppy smiled and clasped her hands before herself. “I’m glad the clothes fit. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask. You seem to have been through a great deal, so anything I can do to help…”

“I appreciate it.” Chloe played with the pendant on her necklace for a moment, struggling between feeling lost in thought and never wanting to think again. “So, how did you end up Mr. Han’s assistant?”

“Actually, I’m Chief Assistant Kang’s Assistant. She had to stay behind with the intelligence unit, and so she sent me along to help Mr. Han,” Poppy explained.

Chloe felt herself light up. “You know Jaehee? How is she? Is she still working too hard? I missed being able to speak with her the last few days.”

“She’s - doing well,” Poppy answered haltingly. “But you’re right, we’ve - all been working very hard. She’ll be relieved to hear that you’re all right.”

“I should call her and say thank you,” Chloe mused.

“She would appreciate that, I think.” Poppy smiled and nodded, turning to lead the way out of the bathroom once more.

Chloe followed, falling into step with the assistant as they made their way down the hall. Glancing to the side she noticed Poppy walking with her head high, presenting herself as if assured, even as she fidgeted her fingers and looked side to side. Feeling any distraction was as good as any, and deciding she could tell there was a kindness almost reminiscent of an old soul in the other woman, Chloe tried to think of something to say.

“So, this is probably all...pretty weird, to you,” she began slowly, noticing the smirk that pulled up the corner of the assistant’s mouth.

“That’s one word for it. Seventy-two hours ago I was just an intern, and now suddenly I’m here. I’ve been speaking with hackers and now this, it’s been - interesting.” Poppy giggled slightly as she looked at Chloe, but she seemed to catch herself and turned serious just as quickly as the small show of humor had appeared. “I’m terribly sorry for what you’ve been through. I don’t know the whole story, but it seems to be...quite a lot. And that man...I know he’s a friend of Mr. Han’s, but are you and he…?”

Chloe shouldn’t have been so surprised by the question, considering it had been asked before. The other members of the RFA had even noticed a change in how she and V interacted once they had rejoined the messenger. But for someone who had seen such a brief glimpse of them, and with V out of his wits near unconsciousness, simply saying her name as he was placed on the stretcher…

She hadn’t expected it to be so obvious, when they themselves had been oblivious. What V had said as she embraced him, the slightest hint that he wanted a future with her in it, had been a welcome confession. Although it felt a lifetime ago, now, and not merely hours.

“Um, we’re - I mean, it’s not really the time, right now,” Chloe stuttered out finally.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to pry. You’ve had a long night, I was just wondering - sorry.” Poppy pressed her lips together, slowing as they reached a small waiting area crawling with bodyguards. “Mr. Han is going to great lengths to ensure his safety, though. He’ll make it through, I’m certain.”

Chloe nodded, unable to form words as she looked around the lounge. Seven hurried down a hallway carrying his laptop and other equipment, and Poppy stepped forward, raising her chin slightly.

“Luciel, do you have everything you need?” she asked.

“Yup, got it from my baby,” he answered as he hurried past them. He slowed when he spotted Vanderwood, who was lurking beside one of the doors. “Hey, do me a favor and keep an eye on Princess Chloe, would you?”

“What? Hey you promised me I’d be done!” Vanderwood protested. “I’m going home -”

“I’m busy, I need to work, but we need to keep her safe.”

“Let the bodyguards do it -”

“Just do it, Madam,” Seven interrupted, and he hurried through the doorway.

Vanderwood’s scowl darkened as he glared after Seven, but then he turned to see Chloe standing nearby, and his expression changed. He cleared his throat and stood straighter, tugging at his black leather gloves.

“Guess I’m still on Princess duty,” he groused, yet a small smirk tugged up one corner of his mouth.

“I should make certain everything is set up,” Poppy muttered beside her. “Again, please, Chloe, do not hesitate to ask if you need anything.”

With a brief nod of her head and a kind smile, Poppy followed Seven through the door. After a moment in which Chloe awkwardly smiled at Vanderwood, Jumin walked out of the room, eyes immediately fixing on Chloe.

“Miss Coordinator -”

“Jumin, please call me Chloe, if you will,” she interrupted with a smile.

“I just realized I don’t know your full name, and yet after only a few days you have become such an important member of the RFA,” he told her. He took a few steps to close the distance between them, and Chloe was suddenly aware of just how much taller he was than her. V was already quite tall, but Jumin seemed an inch or two taller than him, even.

“Chloe Pendleton,” she answered with a reassuring smile. He was intimidating, his gaze hard and bearing an unusual intensity as if thoroughly studying everything around him. And yet she remembered their talks about Elizabeth the Third, the times he had called to check on her and they had spoken about nothing in particular. He felt like a close friend, even if this was the first time they were seeing one another in person.

“Well, I - Miss P - Chloe,” he said, nodding his head as if testing the address. “I’d like to thank you, for caring for my friend. He’s quite indebted to you, considering how much you have helped him.”

“I was glad to do it, really,” Chloe insisted. “He...needs someone to care about him. And I do.”

Perhaps it was exhaustion or the fading shock, but she hadn’t meant to be quite so blunt. Or to let her voice crack on the words. Jumin regarded her intently for a moment before he nodded.

“Yes, I agree. And I am thankful, in his place, that you have and do,” he assured her. “He has seemed quite different since you joined us. Has he changed, perhaps, because of you?”

Chloe gave a shrug, trying to bury the small smile that came to her face. She felt hope for V, and having his oldest friend speculate that he was changing for the better was encouraging.

“He called me, you know.”

“He did?” Chloe raised her eyebrows, staring up into the thoughtful frown on Jumin’s face.

“Yes. I guess he didn’t tell you. He called to ask me to look after you, no matter what happened to him,” he informed her. There was a curious gleam in his eyes as he studied her, and he tugged at his shirt sleeve before he continued. “He sounded delirious, probably from the drugs. But he wanted me to promise that I would keep you safe, and not allow any harm to come to you.”

“That - that sounds like V,” she murmured, chewing her bottom lip to hide the emotions rolling through her.

“He also wished you happiness, and it seemed to me that he cared greatly for you. He said that he wished you to love and live happily even without him.”

“I...see,” Chloe managed to whisper. “I didn’t know he’d called, I - I appreciate it. He was caring for me, just in case, and I - oh, V…”

She ran a finger along the bow of her lip, thinking and trying to picture how he must have sounded, calling to make his best friend promise to look after her. Had he even known then, or had he been in denial? Had he still intended to sacrifice himself? Or had he been realizing it all, and decided that he cared, enough to want her happiness above all?

_I keep thinking...that I’d like to be a perfect idiot with you._

Clearing her throat she lowered her hand and looked once more into Jumin’s stern, dark gaze. “I truly wish for his happiness, as well. He deserves to be happy, and I hope he - I hope he…”

When she trailed off, unable to finish the thought, Jumin raised one hand near her shoulder, clasping and unclasping it for a moment. Finally he rested it lightly on her shoulder, patting once before he quickly lowered it again. “Thank you, Chloe, for caring for my friend.”

She nodded, unable to say anything, but able to reach out and return the gesture, squeezing his arm before she released it. He cleared his throat and tugged at his sleeve once more, nodding curtly to her in acknowledgement.

“I’m - sorry to interrupt,” a posh voice interrupted from behind them. “Luciel needs you, Mr. Han.”

As soon as he heard the assistant’s voice Jumin turned, and he gave a crisp nod to her before he walked briskly into the room. Poppy stood for a moment considering Chloe, then smiled briefly before following him.

After so long spent in activity, taking care of V, being on the run, being nervous and scared, Chloe felt the silence and inactivity as an irritating buzzing. She tried sinking into a nearby chair, doing her best to ignore the way that Vanderwood mirrored her action. Folding and unfolding her arms and legs, she looked around at the patrolling and stationed security team, but it was as if she didn’t really see them.

Whatever adrenaline and anxiety had kept her going was fading, and now memories and words kept streaming across her mind as if a movie had been queued to play. Her time at Magenta, her time with Rika, Ray’s sad, longing gaze that broke her heart - the times she had seen V sneaking into the compound.

But most of all she thought of their time at the cabin, of holding his hand and singing him lullabies and songs when he was delirious.

_So please...stay with me. I know it’s selfish...But right now...you look like an angel to me. You’re like an unexpected miracle from heaven..._

The words somehow stuck with her so clearly, the memory of his voice as he made those small concessions of feelings over the phone. They were the last things she should be thinking of, the desire of more from him, to hear sweeter words and softer declarations. But deep inside her that was all she wanted, his arms around her as he told her that he cared for her, that he maybe even…

“What’s up, Princess?” Vanderwood uncrossed his legs and put his hands on the armrests, ready to stand and follow her.

“I - just - bathroom,” she lied, not having realized she had pushed herself to her feet. But she needed to get away, needed space to breathe.

Vanderwood frowned but nodded noncommittally, and she could feel his eyes on her as she made her way in the direction of the restroom. She didn’t need it, and as she paused she noticed the door to the stairwell nearby.

With one glance around she hurried through it, taking a deep breath as soon as she was out of sight of the security team and Vanderwood. Rubbing at her eyes she tried to clear her mind, but still it was determined to hold on to the sound of his voice, the smell of him when she had hugged him. It had reminded her of warm tea, with a slight hint of stale pipe tobacco underneath. Even now when she closed her eyes she could almost imagine that he was there before her, in her arms.

Instinctively she pulled her phone from her pocket, and before she could even think about why she dialed his number.

Four rings, and then a click - and his voicemail played.

_“This is V -”_

Closing her eyes, she leaned against the wall of the landing, forcing herself to take deep breaths as she listened to his message. As soon as it ended she hung up the call, and on impulse she dialed again.

Again and again she listened to his voicemail, hanging up and redialing each time it ended, desperate to hear his voice. He couldn’t, he couldn’t die, he couldn’t give up now. He’d promised her -

Together. He had always said together, and as far as she was concerned they hadn’t made it out of the woods yet.

_Together._

_Perfect idiots - together._

If things had been different she could have told him. Would he have listened? Would they have found one another? Why - why did it have to be like this, why did they have to find one another now?

It wasn’t fair.

The thought made her laugh softly at herself, incredulous at her ridiculous whininess. It made her feel like a child.

_This is V._

She closed her eyes once more, sliding to the floor as she listened to his brief greeting. When the voicemail beeped, she didn’t remove her phone from her ear this time to hang up, and waited a moment.

“V,” she breathed. “You won’t get this unless - until - you’re out of surgery. I just - I miss your voice. I miss your musings.”

She paused, taking a deep breath as she tried to calm herself. A soft chuckle left her, shaking her head as she pulled her knees into her chest.

“I can’t. I can’t imagine things without you. My whole life was upended, but I - I haven’t been upset about it. I met you, I met all of you. I was...so lonely,” she whispered, and paused again. “The RFA felt like having friends, and I - I’ve enjoyed it all. But you...I…”

Words escaped her as she tried to think how to express this feeling within her as reality. After a deep sigh she continued.

“I can’t lose you. Not now. Please, V...Jihyun,” she murmured the name as a prayer. “You have to make it. You have to. You need to make it and find happiness. There’s still so much out there for you, and I want you to discover it all. Even if…”

But here it was too painful to continue, and she let out another sigh.

“Please. Make it through this, and come back to me. You promised...you promised me.” She chewed her bottom lip for a moment before she opened her eyes, taking in the dull surroundings of the stairwell finally. “I’ll - I’ll see you when you wake up. I will. You have to. You’re stubborn, and honest - you wouldn’t break a promise to me. I know it. I - I can’t wait to see you. Please...come back to me, Jihyun.”

With that she pulled the phone from her ear and hung up, staring at it for a moment before pocketing it.

Faith, and hope. They had carried her this far in her life, and she shouldn’t give up on them now.


	6. Reality is a Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Chloe is singing is ["Malibu"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPA2ST1Ja_w) by Miley Cyrus

It had been bright, almost blinding, sunlight painting the white siding of the familiar house with its warmth. But now everything in his vision was pitch black, and that house had burned down anyway, years ago. He felt as if he was trying to swim against the current to the surface of his consciousness, struggling against a tide that tried to drag him back down.

He was awake, wasn’t he? Or was this another dream? Or perhaps - heaven?

The latter seemed likely for a moment, when he realized that the softest, most beautiful voice he had heard in his life was singing nearby. Was a sinner like him really worthy of angels singing, or heaven even? Surely not.

_ “I’d spend the rest of my life, just standing here talking. You would explain the current as I just smile. Hoping that you’ll stay the same and nothing will change, and it’ll be us, just for a while.” _

He became aware next of mechanic sounds, of a gentle whirring and occasional high-pitched beeps. The singing continued, almost a whispering of sound to accompany the off-rhythm noises of the machinery.

It took him a moment longer to realize he felt fingers holding his hand where it rested on his chest. The warmth and steady rhythm of a thumb rubbing along his skin felt far too real, and slowly he tried to orient himself some more. What reality was this?

His mother had been there, speaking with him, and she’d actually been able to hear his words. She had never been able to hear him, not as long as he’d lived, and besides - she was no longer a part of this world. It had felt so vivid, so believable, that he was struggling to determine if, perhaps, it was because he had joined her on another plane.

_ “I never would’ve believed you if three years ago you told me I’d be here, writing this song. But here I am - next to you.” _

It took him a few moments more to realize the singing was in English, which had to mean -

Slowly he tried to open his eyes, finally understanding that they had simply been closed. The light around him hurt his eyes and he frowned, clenching his eyes shut once more with a groan.

“V?!”

The softly raspy voice that he now knew so well came from his left as the singing stopped, and someone shifted beside him.

“V - can you hear me? Are you awakened?”

He felt one corner of his mouth tug up at the slightly butchered Korean, the way that things she said were always just a tiny bit off. V never said anything, mentally correcting her words and savoring the way she tried so hard, thoroughly confident in herself, mistakes included.

“V? It’s me -”

“Chloe,” he sighed, finally fluttering his eyes open to search her out.

The harsh lights were easier on his bleary eyes, and he realized it was because she was leaning over him. A halo of bright, fluorescent light framed her fiery waves, which hung over him as she tried to assess his condition. After a moment a wide, warm smile parted her lips, her beautiful ocean blue eyes sparkling as she held his gaze.

“How - how are you feeling?” she asked, and she tightened her grip on his hand.

“I’m -  _ ungh _ \- I’m - where am I?” he muttered, finding himself too weak to push up off the bed he was lying on.

“You’re in the hospital. V, you were - you were stabbed. Do you...remember anything?” Chloe caught her bottom lip with her teeth, watching him carefully as if fearful she would upset him with questions.

He frowned, wracking his brain for the details. But everything was fuzzy, distorted so that he couldn’t tell drugged-up dreams from reality and didn’t know who had been near or what had actually occurred. Shaking his head he finally murmured, “No, I don’t - I don’t remember anything.” He hesitated, hoping she didn’t suspect anything because of his lacking memory. For the life of him, he couldn’t recall what had happened after she left - had he argued with someone? He felt certain he knew who, but just how had he ended up here, in the hospital?

That part was missing at the moment.

“V? Are you okay?”

One side of his mouth tugged up as he squeezed his eyes closed, hoping to remember something or find a way to reassure her. “I’m - as well as can be expected. The others, are we in contact with -”

“Yes,” she interrupted, nodding her head emphatically. “Jumin and Seven are here - or were here, Jumin left not long ago. But they’re - they’re taking care.”

“I see,” he whispered. He thought back to his memories, his dreams, and frowned deeper as he sought out her ocean eyes. “And I’m - I’m not dreaming? I hope I’m not, as I actually talk to you face-to-face -”

“No, V, you’re not dreaming,” she reassured him, squeezing his hand as she offered him a bright smile. “I’m here, I’m really here and you’re safe. You are, I’ve - I’ve got you.”

“ _ You’re _ safe. That’s all I’ve wanted the last few days, all I’ve prayed for. I didn’t care what happened to me so long as I managed to keep you safe and see you to safety -”

“V…” She sighed and shook her head, trailing her thumb along the back of his hand. She was avoiding his gaze, but still worked to comfort him as she did. As if she merely meant to collect her thoughts before saying more.

“Yes, Chloe?” he prompted softly, keeping a keen eye on her as he spoke. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth before she shook her head. When she didn’t follow up the motion with any words, he let his breath out through his teeth. “I’m so sorry for making you worry.”

“It’s fine,” she began, but he let out a soft groan and shook his head to emphasize the fact that he had more to say.

“No, no, it’s not,” he insisted. “Throughout all of this I meant to protect you, and I feel I failed to make you truly safe throughout. Although, I suppose, if you’re safe and under the protection of the RFA now, my goal has been accomplished.”

“Please, don’t worry about that. I’m fine, you’re - you’re okay. You’re not - dead.” Chloe grimaced once she said it, as if worried she had been too blunt or found the wrong word to describe things.

But she was right. He could have died. And for a moment he tried to reconcile why that wasn’t a bigger shock for him, and he thought he knew perhaps just why he was so relaxed in her presence. It was as if things were finally clear, the fog of his mind and emotions no longer blurring the way forward.

“Have I - been asleep for long?”

“Um - long enough,” she murmured, and again her fingers tightened where they held his. “I was beginning to worry, but I’m - I’m glad you’re all right.”

“I feel the same,” he agreed, holding her gaze as he wondered over how worried he had been for days. It felt so long, so long he had done everything he could to protect her. Now he wasn’t certain what he could do, in his current state.

When she merely nodded and continued to squeeze his fingers he wondered at her thoughts, at what she might think of this entire situation. Of everything he had put them all through, but her especially - such an innocent victim in the midst of all of this.

“How do you feel?” she asked after a few moments, again squeezing his fingers and making it clear she didn’t anticipate him giving her a standard answer.

“I’m - relieved. To see you all right, safe and sound.”

“V, you were injured -”

“And I’m alive. I am here, with you, and I - I think perhaps…”

“Yes?” she prompted when he trailed off.

“I dreamt of my mother.”

A brief pause, her fingers stilling where they had been stroking his continuously, and then they resumed as she exhaled. “What did you dream?”

“She - spoke to me. I didn’t have much chance to speak with her while she was alive, but...in my dream, she spoke to me,” he told her. When he finally raised his gaze he saw her watching him carefully, almost tenderly.

“What did she have to say?” she asked softly.

For a moment he considered, the words still so fresh and swimming at the front of his consciousness. But he needed to process them, needed to sort out how they had made him feel before he could share them with her. Before he could even dare to dream or ask her to -

He gave a soft laugh, immediately regretting it when his chest and stomach ached painfully, causing him to wince. “Maybe - maybe another time,” he gritted out. She frowned, opening her mouth to ask him if he was all right, but he shook his head. “I’ll tell you once - once I can carry out my mother’s words. Not now, though. For now -”

“For now, you need to rest, V. You’ve been through so much,” she murmured.

“I will. I promise. Just let me tell you one - one thing.”

“One - and then I want you to stop straining yourself. Please, for - for me.” There was the slightest tinge of pink on her cheeks after she said it, pressing her full lips together as if trying to take back the words she had whispered.

“I want to love again,” he told her, before he could lose his nerve. He chanced a glance at her, and then returned his gaze to where her thin fingers with chipped dark nail polish held his hand. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to, or if I deserve to, but if I can - if I’m given the chance to - I’d like to love again. Just as...just as you assured me I can.”

When he looked back to her face he saw a slow, wide smile spreading across it, her eyes crinkling and her cheeks adorably pinchable. “I’m glad to hear that, V. I have faith that you’ll be able to, with time.”

“I think - maybe because of what happened, maybe because of my dream -”  _ Maybe because of you - _ “I’ll be able to be the real me. A man named Jihyun Kim and not just the photographer V, or the head of the RFA, or Rika’s former lover, but - me. Really, truly,  _ me _ . I want - I want to let go of Rika, and my past, and fill this void inside me. Discover my true self.”

“Oh V,” she whispered, her voice breaking slightly on the sigh that followed. “I’m so happy to hear you say that. However I can, whatever you need, I’ll - I’ll help you. And support you. You deserve to find happiness - no matter - no matter what.”

There was the slightest hint of sadness in her tone and eyes, and he longed to find a way to assure her, to tell her what he felt. “Ch-Chloe, I - when I learn who I really am, maybe then - maybe I can - maybe we - maybe…” but his voice died in his throat. He couldn’t tell her, he didn’t deserve to tell her now. She didn’t deserve the pain of knowing how he felt, not in the midst of all of this, not after what he had put her through. Not when he was still so lost himself. He swallowed hard, burying the words and desires deep inside. He needed to work to earn her, first, needed to learn to love himself before he could love another, even though he already knew…

Even though he already…

“Wait, no - nothing. I’m - I’m sorry. I’m just - woozy,” he finally stuttered, hoping she wouldn’t think too hard about how much he tripped over his words.

“You need to rest now, promise me,” she insisted, leaning closer. She raised her free hand and brushed his hair off of his forehead, trailing her fingers over his skin before she combed them through his strands. “I’m so happy you’re awake and that you’re all right. So please, just rest - we’ll take care of everything else. Just sleep.”

He held her gaze for a moment, finally registering the weariness in her gaze, the slow way that she blinked and occasionally shook her head a little as if shaking off fatigue. “Chloe,” he murmured, turning his hand in hers and interlacing his fingers with hers. “Thank you. Thank you for staying beside me until I woke up. I don’t know what I would have done without you -”

“V -”

“You shine so beautifully,” he continued, tightening his hold on her fingers. “I admire you so much, your strength, your devotion. You’re so innocent, so pure. I - I -” the word died on his lips and he let out a sigh, knowing it wasn’t a word he was worthy of, not yet, not to her. “Thank you - my angel.”

The last was hardly a breath, the slightest whisper, but the expression on her face softened and the corners of her lips twitched as if she had heard him perfectly. She leaned closer, still smiling, still holding his hand, her other reaching up to cup his hand. “Of course, V. You saved me, and we promised - together, yes? We’ll make it through. Together.”

He was almost amazed he could raise his other hand, feeling so weak he wasn’t surprised when it shook. Brushing her golden red tresses off her face, he tucked them behind her ear before he ran his thumb along her delicate cheekbone.

“Yes, Chloe. Together.”

Her eyes closed as she pressed her cheek against his hand, nuzzling it softly before she suddenly straightened, clearing her throat and looking away. “You should rest some more. Do you need anything? Water, soup - anything?”

“No, just - stay with me,” he requested, not allowing himself to feel shame at his weakness. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“I’ll stay. I promise, you’ll - you’ll never have to be alone again,” she assured him. She took her seat on the edge of his bed again, adjusting herself as she continued to hold his hand. “Jihyun.”

The name was whispered, barely a breath, but he heard it and felt it to his core as if she had announced it in front of a crowded room. When was the last time he had heard that name whispered, especially so sweetly?

Perhaps he never had.

“If you need anything, just tell me, please,” she said after a moment. “All I want is for you to be okay.”

“Thank you, Chloe. My angel, my caring, perfect angel,” he murmured, only this time his voice didn’t shake on the word.

The last memory he had was of her cheeks pinkening as she chewed her bottom lip, avoiding his gaze. His eyes fluttered shut, exhaustion and a strange, perfect contentment coming upon him as he focused on the feeling of her hand in his. If he wasn’t mistaken, as he drifted off, she was singing again, softly as if just to herself.

_ A chance to love again - someday. _

_ When he could endeavor to deserve her. _


	7. Next to Your Heartbeat Where I Should Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from ["Photograph" by Ed Sheeran](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSDgHBxUbVQ)

The nightmares didn’t begin right away.

Instead, the first few days they were out of the hospital she found herself so exhausted she made a habit of falling asleep wherever she happened to sit still long enough. It was beginning to feel like habit, after how often she had slept sitting up or in other awkward places at the cabin and hospital.

In her opinion the hospital had sent him home too early, since he still seemed so weak, but V was also stubborn and had taken the first offer to be released. He had agreed to the scheduled appointment Jumin made for his eye surgery, and before being discharged he underwent another procedure.

It made the others even more hesitant to send him home, but he insisted he would be fine. Chloe had agreed to accompany him, offering to tend to him until he was steady. Her only condition was that they stop by her apartment along the way. She hadn’t been in over two weeks, and besides needing to make certain her bills weren’t too overdue and everything wasn’t in full disrepair, she needed to grab her belongings. Her time with Rika and their haphazard escape from Magenta had robbed her of most of her clothing and possessions. She had found herself with only the jeans and sweater Poppy provided days before, and the wish for some familiarity overwhelmed her as they left the hospital.

On the way to his home they had swung by her apartment on the outskirts of the city. Despite her protests V followed her within, slowly making his way with the aid of a cane. Once inside the tiny studio apartment he looked around, a deep frown knitting his brows together as he contemplated his surroundings through thick sunglasses. Embarrassed by the messy, meager living space, Chloe had hurried to pack a large tote bag with items she would need for at least a week.

“No.”

“What?” she asked, turning to face where V stood.

“You can’t stay here, Chloe,” he insisted, shaking his head before he turned towards her gaze. “Come stay with me.”

“No - I mean, I am, until you’re better, but -”

“Stay. I mean it. Stay with me.”

“V, I…” But she trailed off, staring at the sincerity in his face. There was determination there, an unwillingness to take no for an answer; his usual stubbornness making a sudden, enthusiastic return after having been tempered by his injuries. 

And so it was that the bodyguards Jumin had sent with them helped box and pack up her apartment, loading it into the black SUVs they had driven there. V insisted any issues with her landlord would be taken care of, just seeming intent on getting her out of the sketchy building and neighborhood she had lived in before all of this madness.

Once they were at his large house which rested close to a steep set of cliffs, the bodyguards had unloaded her belongings as she helped him inside. Burying the realization that this had also been Rika’s house, that they had lived in supposed bliss here for years, she instead focused on organizing her room and making certain V settled in well. After all, he was injured, and while he had talked her out of her apartment, she still found herself expecting to be out on her own once he was recovered.

The first few days Chloe spent by his side, making certain he stayed comfortably resting, taking care of his meals and tea so that he could take his pain medications. After yet another nap in the chair beside his bed, Chloe awoke one evening to find V watching her closely with a frown on his face. 

“You need rest too,” he told her. “Please, Chloe, I’m fine. You can rest in your room, you need to sleep.”

“No, I’m fine here, really,” she insisted, but he shook his head. Despite her protests he continued to encourage her to her room, and finally she let out a sigh and slipped from the chair. “Call me if you need me.”

She wandered through the spacious house, admiring the way the moonlight filtered in through the many windows and lit her way to the room she had settled in. It wasn’t quite a guest room, seeming to be a studio he had once used that just happened to have a wardrobe and daybed in it. Chloe’s belongings were piled in one corner, the suitcase she was living out of not fully unpacked, a symbol of her unwillingness to accept any of this as permanent.

Stifling a yawn, she lifted the sheets on the daybed and collapsed onto it, finally giving in to the exhaustion she had held off for longer than she could recall. Darkness consumed her right away, though it was as if her mind had been waiting for her to quiet.

_“I didn’t have the courage ‘till the last minute...I was really glad when you called. Thank you. I love you.”_

_An explosion followed the declaration, and she found herself screaming into the phone, begging him not to do it -_

_And things shifted, changed, and V was before her clutching his stomach, which was bleeding profusely. He collapsed to his knees and she rushed forward._

_“No, no - V!”_

_But mint eyes stared up at her, glassy and unseeing, and then he disappeared._

_She was all alone again._

With a jolt Chloe sat up, her spine tensed and her hands shaking, cold sweat catching the light breeze of the ceiling fan so that her chest broke out in goosebumps. She couldn’t have been asleep for long, but the nightmares had seemed so real.

Was V…?

Disoriented and still foggy from the nightmare, unable to tell where she was, Chloe pushed herself off the bed and rushed out of the room. Moonlight guided her across the house, her nightgown whipping around her legs in her haste. Carefully she eased the door open, and it was only then that she let out the breath she had been holding in.

V was asleep in bed, propped up by pillows, the hand that was resting on his chest rising and falling with each deep breath.

Closing the door behind her, she crept to the other side of his large bed, tiptoeing so as not to wake him. Gently she lifted the covers so that she could slip under them, and laid on her side facing him. Despite how tired she was, she lay awake watching him sleep, only content now that he was there within her sight.

She wasn’t aware that she’d fallen asleep until she felt the warmth of sunlight on her and slowly opened her eyes. A familiar face was before her, a soft but inquisitive smile tugging at his lips, and at first Chloe smiled back. Until she realized why he was the first thing she saw when she woke up.

“I’m - I’m so sorry, V,” she said, quickly pushing herself up from the pillow beside his. “I - I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I - um -”

“It’s all right,” he quietly assured her. “You looked so peaceful sleeping, for once. It was nice to see.”

“I - I’m so sorry, I never should have -”

“I don’t mind, really,” he told her. 

“I - I had a nightmare,” she confessed softly. “But I should have just gone back to my room after I saw you were all right -”

“Please, Chloe, there’s no need to apologize,” he insisted. “I am glad you slept. If you wouldn’t mind, though, could I - get a glass of water? Mine’s empty.”

“Of course!” She scrambled out of the bed, happy for something to do to help him so that she could compose herself once more. Getting him fresh water and his medicine allowed her to calm the way she felt, the mortification at having slept beside him, the embarrassment of having been disturbed by a nightmare like a child.

The memory of Ray’s last phone call haunted her, though, despite her best efforts to focus on the good of her situation. Regret at not being able to save him, horror at the extent he was willing to go to please Rika, the idea that he had seen no other way out…

It wasn’t a surprise that her mind had decided to torment her with the memories. They were still fresh, and she wasn’t entirely certain she’d ever forget them.

Her assumptions were correct, as the nightmares continued in the days that followed whenever she sought her rest in the studio room instead of the chair beside V’s bed. The only thing that allowed her to sleep soundly was the physical proof of V alive and well before her, and every night she found herself hurrying across the silent house to his room.

At first she resumed her place in the chair, but every time he awoke and found her there he insisted that she at least sleep in his bed if she couldn’t sleep in hers. For two weeks this continued until finally she gave up any pretense and began her night sleeping beside him, facing him so that if she opened her eyes she would see him.

To neither of their surprise, although she wouldn’t voice it aloud, her nightmares lessened and she was finally able to sleep peacefully. Each morning she awoke with the sun on her face, and V’s smile to greet her. Yet she didn’t want to make this a habit, sleeping beside him, waking up to see him there…

They hadn’t spoken at all of what a future may look like for them, or if there even was one possible. She knew what truth she had buried within her heart, but also knew why she had to keep it that way and leave him unburdened with it.

As the weeks passed V slowly began to recover, able to walk slowly around his house, first with Chloe’s help or a cane, and then finally on his own. His progress was reassuring to see, bringing hope to her that he would make a full recovery and soon be back to his full strength. Although she felt sadness tinge that feeling when she realized she would likely leave him at that point, only determined to see him through the weeks of his recovery.

Anything more would likely feel like torture, at least to her, but possibly to both of them.

When over a month had passed, Chloe found herself surprised at how comfortable she was in the house. It hadn’t been her intention, and every morning when V woke up she could be found sitting at the kitchen table, working on her phone. He never asked what she was doing, and she didn’t have the heart to tell him she was looking for a job and a new apartment.

Similarly she never asked what he seemed to be working on now that he was more mobile. He set his attention to the house, but she couldn’t quite determine what he was doing. A large portion of his works seemed to be collecting in one corner, and one day a tarp appeared over them, as if he could not bear the sight. The large portrait of Rika’s smile that she caught herself glaring at every time she was in the living room disappeared one morning. Chloe felt only mild curiosity at where it might have gone, instead feeling relief that she no longer had to see it every day.

At six weeks, V went to the doctor for his checkup, insistent that he go alone to handle it. He was gone longer than she expected, but after checking for him in the RFA chatroom and instead finding a whole mess of other issues related to Saeyoung, she signed out and picked up her phone to call instead. Just as it rang, the front door opened and V walked in.

He was smiling, although there was a sad quality to it as his eyes wandered over the house before settling on her. When he saw her frown his smile widened as if to assure her, and he put his hands in his pockets as he walked forward.

“V, I was worried! Did everything go all right at the doctor’s?” she greeted, hopping up from the kitchen table. She hesitated before him, uncertain what to make of the look on his face.

Or the bag she spotted in the hallway leading to the door.

“I didn’t mean to worry you, I should have told you I would be a while,” he apologized. “I had some things to tend to, before…”

When he didn’t continue right away her frown deepened and she folded her arms across her chest. “Before what?”

“I have - a great many things I need to do,” V explained. “Now that I am recovered, I plan on...venturing the unknown.”

“What? You’re - V, you’re just barely better -” she protested, but at his soft chuckle she fell silent.

“I will be fine, Chloe,” he assured her. “But I need to do this. I need time away, time to explore who this man is, who - who Jihyun Kim is.”

Pressing her lips together, Chloe looked down at the floor, tightening how she cradled her arms across herself. “I understand,” she murmured. “Just be careful, you’ve only just started to recover.”

“I appreciate your concern, even now when I’m leaving you here,” he said. He took a few steps, closing more of the distance between them.

“I suppose - I need to find a place to live.” She heaved a soft sigh. “I have some leads on jobs -”

“Chloe, you misunderstand me,” he interrupted. “I want you to stay here. I - I don’t know how long I will be gone, and this house will just - sit here, empty. Please, stay here. I’ll take care of you, so you don’t have to worry about anything.”

“You don’t have to do that, V.”

“Please allow me to. And if something comes up, speak with Jumin. He’ll know what to do, I’ve left instructions.”

Chloe glanced up, studying his face above her for a few moments before she slowly nodded. “What about your things? Um…” She looked around the room, her eyes falling on the tarp in the corner, and then to the bedroom, thinking of how much of it had been touched by Rika.

“Do what you want with them. Treat them as your own belongings,” he told her. “Perhaps I will come back and they won’t be of any value to me anymore.”

She nodded, but found herself still grappling with the fact that he was leaving, so soon.

“I will write to you, Chloe,” he assured her, as if he could tell what she was thinking. “As often as I am able. I will send you letters here, and tell you of my travels. Only…”

“Yes?” she prompted when he trailed off.

“I’ll be back when I’m ready to begin anew,” he continued slowly. “But I - I know it is selfish of me to ask this...but can you wait for me?”

His voice was barely a whisper, but the tender gleam in his eyes erased any doubts about what he might mean by _wait_. She hardly had to take a moment to think before she nodded her head and stepped forward until she stood just before him.

“I promise, I’ll wait for you,” she answered. She offered a smile, winking lightly. “Just promise that you will write to me often.”

“Of course I will,” he reassured her. For a few long moments he merely held her gaze, studying her face as if lost in some thought. “I’ve made you wait long enough, but you’ll still wait for me...Chloe, thank you.”

“I’ll wait as long as you need me to,” she repeated her promise. He looked almost dazed by her response, the softest smile pulling at the corners of his lips. A sudden urge struck her, and she lifted her hair off her neck so that she could undo the clasp of her necklace.

Stepping closer so that she was merely a breath away from him, she reached for one of his hands and took it in hers. She turned his palm over, studying the lines for a moment, and then placed the necklace in his hand. The silver peace sign pendant gleamed in the light, and she ran her thumb over it before she pressed it into his hand.

“I want you to be happy, Jihyun,” she murmured, raising her gaze to his. “No matter how long it takes, and no matter where your journey leads you. Please remember that.”

Slowly he closed his fingers around the necklace and her hand, squeezing lightly before he removed his touch from hers.

“Thank you. Truly, you are - you are my angel. And I will make certain your waiting does not go unanswered,” he murmured.

“Goodbye, Jihyun,” she whispered, and she offered him what she hoped was her brightest smile.

“I’ll see you again, Chloe.”

And with that, he was gone.


End file.
